Category: Giggles & Bits

Giggles & Bits Thursday – A Funny Story

~ JodiLea

My Sis sent me an email with a funny story. Thanks to her, we have something to laugh about today!

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SIPPING VODKA
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak..  After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.  If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor’s advice..  At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.  He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)  Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2)  There are 10 commandments, not 12..
3)  There are 12 disciples, not 10…
4)  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6)  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8)  David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9)  When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10)  We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T.’
11)  When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for this is my body..”   He did not say, “Eat me.”
12)  The Virgin Mary is not called ‘Mary with the Cherry’.
13)  The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

Thanks again, Sue!!

♥  TTFN  ♥

NEVER Underestimate A Five Year Old

~ JodiLea
ReadySetGo
Only stopping to ask mom for a snack

Today’s Giggles & Bits is a true story…

When I answered the phone a couple of weeks ago, I hear a quiet, small voice at the other end.
“Hi Grandma…”
I smile because the only time she is quiet is when she’s on the phone. When she is talking that is. If you were on the phone talking with someone else, she would not be quiet. It is against her nature. But that is for another tale.

“Hi sweetie!” I am so relieved it is her and not a recording or a solicitor .  She did want something from me, as it turned out. Her Kindergarten class was having a “lap-a-thon” to raise money for her school. I told her I would pledge $1.00 per lap. She was so excited. She had pledges for quarters but not dollars until now. I gave myself some Good Grandma points, then went on with my week. Looking forward to her next call on the weekend to tell me how much I owed her.

How many laps could a tiny child do, right?

Thirty-six, as it turns out.

36!!  Her Good Grandma had to write out a check to her school for $36.00.  I guess that makes me a Dumb (but Proud!) Grandma.

I should have known better. I have seen her in action running through the house. I gave up yelling at her “don’t run in the house!” She runs by too fast to hear anyway, and I am certainly sick of hollering it.

So, go ahead – run in the house.  But NOT with scissors! Grandma’s can only take so much…

♥  TTFN  ♥