I cannot blame the phone and wireless carriers. Scientists and Engineers. Basically, everyone involved with technology breakthroughs.

It’s the programmers I blame. Writing all those applications for your cell phone. Oh, sorry – I meant to say “Apps”.  Forgive my old brain that likes words and not abbreviations. I only appreciate shortened words when I have to text someone.  I use the ‘suggested’ words often because it takes less time. And let’s face it – I don’t have all the time in the world anymore.

“Smartphones” no longer fit in your hand, or your pant’s pocket. They are closer to tablet size now and I have figured out why. They want you to download movies, TV shows and watch them on their “big” screen. The “Don’t Text and Drive” signs will soon say “Don’t Watch Your Soaps and Drive.”  As if.

Remember “flip phones”?  They were fun to pretend they were communicators from Star Trek, you know, Beam me up, Scotty!

I loved wireless technology from the beginning. When my clunky secondhand car would break down (as it often did), I no longer had to hike to the nearest phone booth. Hey, anyone thinking, ‘what’s a phone booth?’  needs to leave now – it’s past your bedtime.

It was so easy back then. Flip open the phone, punch in the phone# and call someone.  Plain and Simple. No texts. No tweets. No internet access. No tiny keyboards that only a grade school kid could read and fit their fingers on, but buttons to actually push! Touchscreens seemed so cool and futuristic when they first came out. The novelty has worn off, at least for me, so please, bring back real buttons.

Kids immediately figure out how to download and play games, of which there are millions. Most don’t even have rules or how-to’s where you can get a clue from.  No manual you can download from the iTunes Store to translate game apps either.  I know because I have made many searches looking for one. All I want to do is figure out how to play Minion Rush with my granddaughter. I hate seeing that disappointed look on her face.  Her “my grandma is not very smart” look.

My vehicle uses my cell better than I do!  It will play music I have loaded on my phone through the speakers. Off the phone, the map app turns into a navigation tool. And guess what else?  I can tell my car to call someone! I can answer the phone (or not) when it rings. I can text someone using my voice.

I will do all those things and many more – once I learn how to work everything in the cockpit, I will have a lot more fun.  No, I do not have an airplane. I have a new car with 4 console displays, toggle switches, buttons – quite a few are even attached to the steering wheel. Others attach to my rear-view mirror, which hangs very low because buttons, etc. are above the windshield, and up to the roof.

On my way to an appointment this morning, a warning and a few beeps occurred. I wasn’t able to see what the warning was for because by the time I found the console it was displaying on – the words went off and the normal display was back.  Another thing to look up in my manual. After I figure out the instructions on setting the Date/Time. All I know is that I have to connect my cell to the Bluetooth and do 10 steps after that.

I have had my car close to three years now, and every time I drive it, I discover more things I do not understand about it. Things I probably should know about, and I worry about not knowing them.  The only thing valuable I have learned from the manual is that the manual is wrong.  About everything I have tried to figure out.  I learned how to set the Date/Time from a YouTube video.  At the dealer, I learned what my tire pressure should really be set at and that the low tire message was not malfunctioning.

I did not realize getting a new car would be so stressful.  Hubby bought an old car and the manual is spot on.  Not only that, but there are no computers in charge of anything running the car.  The car is all mechanical.

So, why didn’t I buy a simple car like his? Because it is a 1930 Ford Model A.  That’s why.