The Smallest Thing

February 27, 2011 ~ JodiLea

Magnifying Glass What is the smallest thing near me? To my naked eye, the smallest thing is the speck on my mouse pad. It could be a piece of cashew, a grain of course sea salt, or a crumb from the finger foods I eat while I write: cereal, chips, granola, and popcorn. I try to be neat, but crumbs happen. Just ask my keyboard.

In order to truly know the composition of this speck, I would have to lick my finger, place it on the speck and extract it from the mouse pad, then put it on my tongue. I’m not above doing this, but I like to recognize what it is, if I do. When the uninvited speck gets in the way of my mousing, I will shoo it off with the back of my hand to the floor. No biggie.

What I don’t like to think about are the small things that my naked eye can’t see. Germs. Bedbugs. Dust mites. I certainly do not want to see these things under a microscope! I saw a glimpse of a Science Channel discussion on dust mites once, and they showed close-ups of mites at 100x magnification. I had nightmares for a week.

I almost put a photo of this monster on my blog to show you what I mean. I came to my senses just in time! If you were blessed and had never seen this, who am I to be the one to give you nightmares? I don’t need any either.

Some things are just better left alone. And sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

A Joke For You

February 26, 2011February 25, 2011 ~ JodiLea

Airplane Landing I get a lot of email with Re:FWD:Re:FWD:FWD:FWD.. as the Subject. Sometimes a cute joke will come my way and I pass along the ones that make me laugh out loud. [This one is from my cuz-in-law, Shar]

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to have that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

And the Winner is…

February 25, 2011 ~ JodiLea

.The Oscars are this Sunday. They used to be in late March every year, but now they move around. One thing that never changes – they are always on a school night. For many years I would record them so my daughter and I could watch them together at a more convenient time. The element of surprise was ruined by newspapers and radio of course, but the winners were only a small part of the fun anyway.

It takes 3 VHS tapes to capture all the magic. The Oscar Pre-Shows and Red Carpet walks are a big part of our Oscar watching tradition. We became the self-appointed fashion police (as we curled up on the couch in our pajamas, munching popcorn). No designer gown or hair-do would pass without our critique.

Many hours Ooh-ing, Ahh-ing and giggling like loonies (thank you, Bjork!) were had. I began to treasure our annual tradition as my daughter grew up. Even in the most gloomy throes of our mother-daughter relationship, the Oscars transcended it all and became a “quality time” shared between us.

This year will be tough. I am down here (Southern CA) and she is up there (Northern CA), so the Oscars will have to be aired in late March, compliments of my DVR. I’m OK with that. I already know who the winner is. Me!!