A Time Machine Do Over

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angel babyI have read A Sound of Thunder by Ray Bradbury and I have seen The Butterfly Effect, so I would not venture into this lightly. However…

If I could spend an hour in another time,  I would go back to August 13th, 2002. The hospital delivery room. And when the doctor asks my daughter “suction or cesarean?”, and she turns to me asking “what should I do, mom?” I would tell her to have the cesarean.

Thereby preventing my first grandchild’s death.

Of course, my daughter may not take my advice. Or the incompetent doctor could botch the surgery. All I know for sure is the suction assisted delivery damaged the baby’s spinal cord – he was too big for my daughter’s pelvis. Something this doctor should have known since they did an ultra-sound that morning before she was admitted.

A senseless, preventable tragedy that only God knows why it had to happen. I am sure he had a reason for it, but dammit, I want to know what the Hell it was! Anyway, to try for a Do Over on Tyler’s birthday, is probably the only thing I would get into a time machine for.

Looking Forward To Something

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Oh dear. I did not post this last night because it was not written to my satisfaction yet, it was midnight and I was tired and punchy from a long (but lovely day). And hubby was waiting. I feel bad, and yet I plan to make it up next week. I may be making up for 2 or 3 days, considering this is the weekend my daughter’s family will be here. And you will soon know what that means…

AnticipationI am a big advocate of looking forward to things. I’m not talking about the big things that most people look forward to like weddings, babies, graduations, Christmas, getting your first novel published, getting your blog on Freshly Pressed. I am talking about the little ones. The ones in between the big ones, that get you through a rough day. The silly ones that the only person getting excited about them is you.

This month I have some biggies happening right now 🙂

  1. Spending 17 days in my own house. I have been here 1.5 days now and I am still grinning like an idiot. I am even happy cleaning things here.
  2. Sleeping with my husband for the first time this year.
  3. Sleeping in my own wonderful bed, instead of mom’s lumpy couch.
  4. Tomorrow night I get to hug and play with my granddaughters.
  5. My daughter and I have a “True Blood” marathon planned to finish Season 3 we started this summer. During the day, we will do some serious shopping. We both are practically naked these days – she losing the “baby weight” and I never got a skinnier wardrobe after I lost all that weight.

It doesn’t take much to please me (unless you ignore my birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day –  my expectations are a lot higher than reality on those days). I look forward to trying out the new shampoo I bought, making a new recipe, organizing my files (again). One of my favorite things to look forward to is “my day”. A day that I do not go to work, have no errands to run, no obligatory visits, nothing on my calendar. Days like that do not come along often. When I realize one of my days is possibly coming up, I am gliding along in anticipatory joy.

Sometimes I waste most of the day because I can’t figure out what I want to do. I have so many things I want to do that I can’t make up my mind. Sometimes I am couch potato, watching movies On-Demand. In the Spring I answer to the Call of the Wild and try to find my flowers under weeds. Most of the time, I “putter”. Sort of a female version of what my grandpa and my dad used to do out in the garage. That’s what my grandma called it. Puttering. It means doing whatever strikes your fancy in the moment.  When I retire, I am going to be a full-time putter-er.

In our new house we plan to retire in, my husband has a huge “shop” to putter in. I have a little corner office, off the entryway. It is shaped like a bay window. There is a doggie-door built into the wall of my little office. I SO look forward to having a dog again.

I am also an advocate of giving someone else something to look forward to. If you can manage to do that, you have made their world a brighter and happier place. Come on, you know what makes someone happy, so do it already!

Things I Hope People DON’T Remember About Me

While pondering topic #11 “what do you most want to be remembered by”, things I did not want people to remember came to mind.

Crazy Woman Sign

When I was a preschooler I was terrified of butterflies. They flew at me, circled me. They were glorified, day-time moths. There was something evil about them, but no one would take me seriously. My parents were embarrassed and told me I was being stupid.

In Junior High I was a nerd with horrible acne. In High School I was an older nerd with terrible acne. There were no ProActive products around then. My dermatologist could not even help me.

College flashbacks are starting to hit me now – like the time a bunch of us girls went to a party and everyone was hungry and wanted to stop somewhere. I voted not to stop because I was not feeling well and I wanted to go back to the dorm. I was outvoted. While they were inside ordering burgers and fries, I was outside barfing into the decorative planters in front of  Burger King.

A different party, where I got blasted because I got dumped by my date to said party that morning because his girlfriend was in town. Surprise! I thought I was his girlfriend. I did his laundry the night before for him. (Oh man! Did I get a severe talking to by my dorm-mates regarding this uncalled for domestic behavior) I was so out of it, that my friends, who were not ready to leave the party, entrusted a guy we all knew to take me back to the dorm. The poor guy had to practically carry me. Then, I did not have my key to the after hours door to my dorm – so I could not get in. He had his key to the boys dorm. Risking expulsion, he snuck me through the boys dorm to get me to the main entrance of  girls dorm, where a gal heard him banging on the door and let me in. I wish I could remember my knight in shinning armors name.

Or how about the time my (I thought) new boyfriend took me on a camping trip. I was naive and figured we would camp under the stars, float the river on canoes, snuggle by the campfire.  He had other plans that I messed up. During the entire float trip the next day he treated me like crap. Made me do all the paddling, saying (repeatedly and loudly) that virgins “needed to be good for something”.  Then the jerk steers us off the main river and we broadsided a fallen log and lost the canoe.  No one in our group of friends were around to hear us call for help. The water was rushing so fast it was hard to hang on. We dared not let go and swim under the log either, for there was debris and God knows what under the water.

We must have hung on for dear life over 20 minutes before a river patrol found us and pulled us to safety. Waterlogged and bruised I spent the second worse night of my life sleeping in the jerk’s car. Did I mention he was too cheap to rent a tent? Some camping trip.

My roommate was thrilled when he dumped me. She had always hated him, suspecting he was a jerk. (Yeah – He did the dumping. I don’t know where my brain was. I even wrote love poems to the guy the week before. Gag!) I wonder what he is doing now.

These are just a small sampling of incredibly stupid moments in my life. The scary thing is – there are probably some more to come. I hope I can keep my granddaughters from finding out most of them…