Things I Hope People DON’T Remember About Me

November 22, 2011November 22, 2011 ~ JodiLea

Deja Vu: Original post from Nov 2010

While pondering topic #11 “what do you most want to be remembered by”, things I did not want people to remember came to mind.

When I was a preschooler I was terrified of butterflies. They flew at me, circled me. They were glorified, day-time moths. There was something evil about them, but no one would take me seriously. My parents were embarrassed and told me I was being stupid.

In Junior High I was a nerd with horrible acne. In High School I was an older nerd with terrible acne. There were no ProActive products around then. My dermatologist could not even help me.

College flashbacks are starting to hit me now – like the time a bunch of us girls went to a party and everyone was hungry and wanted to stop somewhere. I voted not to stop because I was not feeling well and I wanted to go back to the dorm. I was outvoted. While they were inside ordering burgers and fries, I was outside barfing into the decorative planters in front of Burger King.

A different party, where I got blasted because I got dumped by my date to said party that morning because his girlfriend was in town. Surprise! I thought I was his girlfriend. I even did his laundry the night before for him. (Oh man! Did I get a severe talking to by my dorm-mates regarding this uncalled for domestic behavior) I was so out of it, that my friends, who were not ready to leave the party, entrusted a guy we all knew to take me back to the dorm. The poor guy had to practically carry me. Then, I did not have my key to the after hours door to my dorm – so I could not get in. He had his key to the boys dorm. Risking expulsion, he snuck me through the boys dorm to get me to the main entrance of girls dorm, where a gal heard him banging on the door and let me in. I wish I could remember my knight in shinning armors name.

Or how about the time my (I thought) new boyfriend took me on a camping trip. I was naive and figured we would camp under the stars, float the river on canoes, snuggle by the campfire. He had other plans that I messed up. During the entire float trip the next day he treated me like crap. Made me do all the paddling, saying (repeatedly and loudly) that virgins “needed to be good for something”. Then the jerk steers us off the main river and we broadsided a fallen log and lost the canoe. No one in our group of friends were around to hear us call for help. The water was rushing so fast it was hard to hang on. We dared not let go and swim under the log either, for there was debris and God knows what under the water.

We must have hung on for dear life over 20 minutes before a river patrol found us and pulled us to safety. Waterlogged and bruised I spent the second worse night of my life sleeping in the jerk’s car. Did I mention he was too cheap to rent a tent? Some camping trip.

My roommate was thrilled when he dumped me. She had always hated him, suspecting he was a jerk. (Yeah – He did the dumping. I don’t know where my brain was. I even wrote love poems to the guy the week before. Gag!) I wonder what he is doing now.

These are just a small sampling of incredibly stupid moments in my life. The scary thing is – there are probably some more to come. I hope I can keep my granddaughters from finding out most of them…

♥

A Joke For You

November 18, 2011 ~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

Deja Vu from Original post: Feb 26th, 2011

Airplane Landing I get a lot of email with Re:FWD:Re:FWD:FWD:FWD.. as the Subject. Sometimes a cute joke will come my way and I pass along the ones that make me laugh out loud. [This one is from my cuz-in-law, Shar]

———————————————————-

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to have that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

Looking Forward To Something…

November 17, 2011November 17, 2011 ~ JodiLea

Original post: January 14th, 2011

I am a big advocate of looking forward to things. I’m not talking about the big things that most people look forward to like weddings, babies, graduations, Christmas, getting your first novel published, getting your blog on Freshly Pressed. I am talking about the little ones. The ones in between the big ones, that get you through a rough day. The silly ones that the only person getting excited about them is you.

This month (Jan 2011) I am looking forward to:

Spending 17 days in my own house. I have been here 1.5 days now and I am still grinning like an idiot. I am even happy cleaning things here.
Sleeping with my husband for the first time this year.
Sleeping in my own wonderful bed, instead of mom’s lumpy couch.
Tomorrow night I get to hug and play with my granddaughters.
My daughter and I have a “True Blood” marathon planned to finish Season 3 we started this summer. During the day, we will do some serious shopping. We both are practically naked these days – she losing the “baby weight” and I never got a skinnier wardrobe after I lost all that weight.

It doesn’t take much to please me (unless you ignore my birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day – my expectations are a lot higher than reality on those days). I look forward to trying out the new shampoo I bought, making a new recipe, organizing my files (again). One of my favorite things to look forward to is “my day”. A day that I do not go to work, have no errands to run, no obligatory visits, nothing on my calendar. Days like that do not come along often. When I realize one of my days is possibly coming up, I am gliding along in anticipatory joy.

Sometimes I waste most of the day because I can’t figure out what I want to do. I have so many things I want to do that I can’t make up my mind. Sometimes I am couch potato, watching movies On-Demand. In the Spring I answer to the Call of the Wild and try to find my flowers under weeds. Most of the time, I “putter”. Sort of a female version of what my grandpa and my dad used to do out in the garage. That’s what my grandma called it. Puttering. It means doing whatever strikes your fancy in the moment. When I retire, I am going to be a full-time putter-er.

In our new house we plan to retire in, my husband has a huge “shop” to putter in. I have a little corner office, off the entryway. It is shaped like a bay window. There is a doggie-door built into the wall of my little office. I SO look forward to having a dog again.

I am also an advocate of giving someone else something to look forward to. If you can manage to do that, you have made their world a brighter and happier place. Come on, you know what makes someone happy, so do it already!