Are you one? I certainly am not. I’m rigid, tense, and a “Type A” personality.  I would fantasize about being a free-spirited &  a “fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal”, to quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

I wanted to be free from agonizing over my bad skin and chubby thighs. I wanted to flirt with boys. I didn’t dare, because only pretty girls could get away with that. Boys always turn into Play Doh over pretty girls.

I was the friend of the pretty girl. Anyone who was/is the friend, knows the heartache and loneliness I’m speaking of. Being the friend SUCKS. Big Time.

Most boys were nice to me because they didn’t want me to bad-mouth them to my pretty friend. I did get asked out a few times in high school. These dates were accepted in order to appease my mother, who was starting to think I was a lesbian. None of these boys were the boy I wanted to ask me out. He and I did have many conversations though – they went like this:

Him: Do you have a pencil I can borrow?

Me: Oh, Sure.

– OR –

Him: Did you figure out the homework?

Me: I think so (I knew damn well I did, but I would not admit it), I’ll show you what I have.

I was tongue-tied around him, yet I would try to start-up a real conversation between us, unfortunately, by asking him stupid questions. At our lockers one day (we were in the same row – sigh…), I asked him “Do you have any Midol I could borrow?”  That is the kind of stupid I’m talking about, dear readers. Embarrassingly stupid.

All those memories came back, just thinking about being a “Free Spirit”.   Further proving I’m not one.

Yet.