clumsy – Jodi Lea's Place

ooops

If you know me at all, you are laughing right now. I am the clumsiest, can’t walk a straight line sober, accident waiting to happen. I don’t know if my equilibrium is wonky or I am not affected by gravity the same way most people are.

People who are clumsy, are never clumsy to the degree that I am. That kind of sounds like I’m boasting, but I assure you I’m not. For years I believed the reason I tripped over my own feet was because my best friend in high-school would trip me when we walked together. Looking back, I think she did this to make me look stupid in front of guys I liked. Looking back, I have no clue why she was my ‘friend’.

I graduated high school and worked for a year to save money to go to college with my BFF. No one tripped me, or tied my shoelaces together, and yet – I seemed just as clumsy as ever. I did not have to be on my feet either. I could just as easily drop something, then lose my balance and fall off my chair trying to retrieve it.

I am not able to stand still. My balance is so odd, that I have to move my feet and change positions while I stand – or – I will fall over. This is very embarrassing when I’m waiting in line at the DMV. You should have seen me wearing ‘skechers’.

I have no depth perception. I can see you – very well. I just don’t know where exactly you are. Or where the table is. Doorways move into my way – so I smack into door frames when I round a corner. Walking across a room is hazardous to my health. I trip over miniscule bumps in the carpet.

Maybe, as someone suggested, I am just too much in a hurry. Slowing down might help. I do tend to rush around working on my never-ending to-do list. So, I will experiment with this.

“Oh, No!” You groan and slap your forehead.

“Oh, Yes!” I answer the challenge. NaNoWriMo is over and I need to focus on something.

Stay Tuned…

♥ TTFN ♥

For those new to Not Pretending, you may not know that I am often the victim of life’s improbable and sometimes ridiculous events. In other words, the craziest crap happens to me. Sometimes the crap is humorous. Sometimes it’s caused by my clumsiness or stupid thinking. Occasionally, there are outside forces at work against me. Like today.

I got a “kit” to make an easy level crib quilt and I decided my beginner skills could handle it. All I had to do was sew two borders around a solid panel, then find a fabric for the backing and some batting for the in-between layer. Then I could quilt it and finish it. Piece of cake.

What I forgot to factor into this venture, was that I was the one doing it.

The first thing I did was open the kit and look at the fabric. The Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore panel, that was 90% of the quilt, was cut out crooked. At first I blamed the quilting store. Then, I noticed the pattern of little holes running down the sides of the panel. Someone had attempted to make the quilt before I got the kit. Mmmm…

Probably the same person who cut the panel half-assed, I told myself. I will just trim the edges and make it square up. 35 minutes later it was as good as it was gonna get. On to cutting the fabric for the borders!

The border fabric was cut crooked as well – what a surprise! Now to sew the 1st border fabric to the panel. First I ironed the pieces, then I lined the right sides together and pinned the fabrics where I wanted them to be when I sewed. This took up a lot of time. I used my rulers and marking pencil, as I was taught and still I had somehow cut the border pieces a bit “off”.

Oh well, I said. The outside borders would make up for it, and I plundered on.

HA! Ignorance is NOT bliss. The outer border matched up even worse. Now I had a mess so obvious that I would have to start over.

This is what happened to the quilter before me. After ripping out all the stitches, she packed up the kit and returned it to the store. I am on to you, lady. You ruined my happy sewing day.

I’ll start over tomorrow. I’m in the middle of a good book. The book at least has squared up corners 😉

Tag: clumsy

Last Words

Crazy Quilt Crap