Tag: family

Milestones

~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

These can be joyful, nostalgic, sad, and heartwrenching. But you already knew that.

Last month’s milestone hit all four categories for me – my first granddaughter graduated High School. I keep having flashbacks to her (and mine) much younger days. Some of you, longtime readers, have witnessed her growing up through this blog.

She became 18 this summer (an adult!) This fall, she began her college journey. I’m so proud of her, and I always have been. Even as a toddler, she was smart, not just the ABCs or numbers, but smart in general. Like she could reason things out. A natural leader, she practically ran the preschool she attended. Her schoolmates followed her lead. I think back on it and wonder if they even had a choice. The girl is a powerful, strong-willed force when she puts her mind to it. Her sweet face somehow disarmed her in people’s minds, and they did not realize they were being bossed around.

My daughter would remind me – “don’t let her boss you around!” She forgets that I raised a strong-willed daughter myself. She would be surprised to learn that I admired her strong will and assertiveness. Her teenage years wore me out because I am a natural pacifist. A follower, not a leader. Timid and not assertive. Yet, I had to stand up to her and stick to my guns because I am a mom. Moms don’t give up.

I used to think that a mom’s reward (revenge?) was when you watched your child deal with their own kids that were just like them. Although that is kind of fun, the reward is so much better than that. It’s the grandchildren. You don’t even realize this until you have one, and that is probably because no one has the words to explain the overwhelming joy and love that takes over your heart. The shock of how intense the emotions are is confusing – you did not feel this way when your own child was born. And why not? Should you feel guilty about this?

At first, I felt guilty about the lack of such intense love for my child. I struggled with this until it occurred to me that what made it different was the fear. It was not there with the grandchild.

I was not her parent. The “business end” of being a mom is not my job. You know – the business of doctor & dentist appointments, parent-teacher conferences, field trips, permission slips, and absence notes. And that is only the school stuff.

This sweet baby in my arms has good parents to take care of all that and then some. Baby and grandma have a lot of cuddling and giggling to do. Snuggling up in the big chair by the wood stove, watching Backyardigans. Maybe Free Willy or Three Ninjas, for the upteenth millionth time.

The next thing you know – they are starting college.

Toto, We Aren’t in OZ Anymore

~ JodiLea

As I write this, I look out my office window at a world that is black and white. Snow has piled up for 3 days now, and any green on the pine and cedar trees is hidden by clumps of snow and the trees themselves are dark brown to black. A photo reveals a white background, broken up by a forest of tall patio umbrellas

There is no sign of this changing anytime soon.

I did not realize how much color mattered to me – until I found myself in a colorless world. Remember in the movie? Dorothy left black & white Kansas and landed in a wildly, intimidatingly, glaring splashes of color world.  I certainly do not want OZ to be my world, but a little yellow and lavender would be nice.

Every weekend this month has been snowy. We- (I say “we” but really it is my hubby Bruce doing the work, because of my health), has gotten a path to the road dug out during the week, only to watch it fill back up on Friday.
This week the storm is throwing snow harder and 24/7. You can no longer see where hubby dug out yesterday so our son’s family could get into the driveway. I think they could be stuck here awhile because the town snowplow only makes it up here every other day. So, even if hubby cranks up the snow-blower – we are stuck in this winter wonderland for the time being.

Church was cancelled this morning. I guess that is common up here in the mountains, but it’s new to me. I got an email from one of the Elders letting me know. God must be OK with it though, since it is His doing. I imagine that even Jehovah likes a snow day – every now and again.  I’m glad I don’t have his job! But I digress…

The kids are so excited about playing in the snow. I don’t play with them because I am recovering from a sinus infection and not too quickly. My cough worries my 2-year-old granddaughter, Mary. Every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose, she asks, “Are you OK, Grandma?”  Truth be told, the concern on her sweet little face cheers me up a lot.

I sure wanted to be outside with her yesterday when she was struggling to make snow angels. The younger, healthier me would have flung myself backwards into the snow bank and flapped my arms and legs until I sunk a few inches. I felt sad that I did not dare to do it.  She had a blast trying though – which was the point.   

You can’t tell by the photos, but she has a big smile on her face.

After breakfast, this morning, the troops bundled up and attempted to overcome the snow, however the opposite is happening. Mary’s older brother, Aiden, shovels snow to make a path down the slope of the driveway, only to turn around and see the snowflakes piling up behind him. Ten more minutes of that and the snow wins. Time to warm up in Grandpa’s shop (that is equipped with a wood burning stove and a fridge with drinks and snacks. Oh yea, and a DVD friendly TV.) I have not seen the flash of Mary’s bright neon-pink gloves or yellow hat for a while, so I figured that was where they all were.

And the snowflakes keep on coming.

Pennsylvania needs a new groundhog. Punxsutawney Phil is a liar!

 

♥  TTFN  ♥

(Belated) Excuses & Apologies

~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

Last December I sent cards, to very few people from my Christmas list. No cheery and newsy Christmas letter was written.

Q: Why?
A: I was literally out of my mind.

I was on a new medication, to help another medication work better for one of my chronic conditions. Willis-Ekbom Disease. Ever heard of that one? It is a neurological ailment that is basically Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) on uppers. The new meds turned my brain to mush. Of course, it took me a couple of weeks to realize what was happening with the chaos of the holidays going on. By then, the damage had been done.

Trying to write a note in a card, or just address an envelope was a major effort. I would fall asleep, jerk awake, then finish my sentence with totally unrelated words, which I had to scribble out and try again. You can imagine how sloppy the cards and envelopes looked. Apologies if you got one. Apologies if you didn’t.

Even worse were the hallucinations. I’m grateful they were not scary ones – like LSD induced or written by Stephen King. They were more embarrassing than anything. Like I would reach for my glass of water, only to find it wasn’t there. Did I fall asleep for a couple of seconds, and dream it was there? The same thing would happen as I spoke or wrote to someone. A scenario would play in my head and seem real, until I opened my mouth to talk about it and realize it wasn’t real and the other person would have no clue what I was talking about. Which was only fair, because I already forgot what it was.

The disgusting thing was, the meds did not help my condition at all. So, I read the info that came with the prescription, about the drug, side effects, etc. One of the many “side effects” of the drug was brain damage.

Oh. That’s. Lovely…

The next day I called my doctor and told him I was brain damaged, and my RLS was worsening. He told me to stop taking the drug immediately, and be patient- the side-effects may take some time to go away.

THAT was an understatement.

Nearly a year has passed and I still will get those “non-LSD” moments.  I’m trying to cover them up when they occur, but the occasional “out-there” comment will be spoken. Hubby looks at me strangely, waiting for an explanation that does not come. I can’t explain it because I don’t know what happened. Really.

My helpful hubby, suggested that the med in question simply enhanced the brain damage I inherited from my family. I reminded him that due to his family’s genetic brain damage, he married me.

Har-Har-Har.

♥  TTFN  ♥