A Post From Blogging Past

Looking back on when I first began blogging (2010), I learned that out of all my humorous posts, the ones people liked the most were the ones where I was ranting about something that was, or had occurred, that ticked me off, OR actually happened to me.

I have been neglecting this blog, and I am truly sorry. My time is being spent on more pressing matters. Like running the local quilt guild (the silly members nominated me for President) and learning the Mary Kay business. I am distracted in every task I do by another task that also MUST get done.

Please, faithful readers, hang in with me. I will be re-running my favorite (and ancient) posts this summer. Who knows? My muse could slap me upside the head and I think of something new. Don’t hold your breath for this to happen – but it could.


Things NOT on my Bucket List

Ever since that movie came out,  my friends have been thinking about what they would put on their lists. No one is actually writing these lists down on paper. At least not admitting they are, because after all, we are way too young to be thinking about that.

I have no clue what will be on my list. I do know, however, what will NOT be.

Bicycling down Haleakala (Maui)

Have you seen this?  If you think it looks scary while you watch it on Nat Geo, try being on the same road. There is only one road. It goes up the volcano. It goes down the volcano. The grade is about 5%. You coast from 10,028 ft to sea level in 38 miles. Seems simple. No peddling. Ha! A steep road is only half of the problem.  A twisted, two-lane road makes the trip horrifying. And I was in a car.

Curvy Road Ahead
Understatement

Haleakala Cruisers

“The view is breathtaking!” everyone tells you.

I would not see them because all my focus would be on not crashing my bike into the 300 other tourists also biking down the volcano, being hit by one of the (sane) people driving their car, or coasting right off a cliff.

No Thank You.

.

BUNGEE JUMPING OFF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE

 

This is just wrong.This is just wrong!

Aside from being dangerous, this jump was probably  illegal.

Considering it is at night and there is just the couple present .

Hey, maybe he pushed her off the bridge and this is a homicide.

If you ever see me in this position – call the police!

.

Running with the Bulls

Don’t kid yourself.

Only the bulls are running with each other. People are running FROM the Bulls.

Gored

Do these guys look  like they are  having fun?  Even I am saner  than this.

.

Climb Mount Everest (or Kilimanjaro, or Fuji, etc.)

Just “because it is there”, are you kidding me?  Many things are “there” and I am not one bit tempted to climb them.  That reason to climb a mountain is ridiculous!

The only climbing I want to do is the stairs – when I have to, in order to be where I want to be. Like my daughter’s house. The 2nd story of the mall. My doctor’s office. That kind of climbing.

NOT this…

Mt. Everet ClimbersHanging Out

 

My 15-minutes of fame

For me, any recognition from the media would be embarrassing or damaging to my self-esteem.  People who knew me would not be awed or jealous of my fame.

Outdoor Plumbing

They would roll their eyes and say, “That’s Jodi, alright!”

So, who needs that?

 

Who Put the ‘Luke’ in Lukewarm?

I have a cousin Luke. It was not him. The man is anything but lukewarm, in fact, if you search for the opposite of lukewarm, it would be him.

Lukewarm, [loo’ k war’ em] adjective, Lacking warmth, interest, enthusiasm, or involvement.
Antonym: Luke (a.k.a. Jodi’s cousin, also on occasion:  Ifthen Aka-Yuke Yabradda ). Don’t ask me to explain that one.

Origin: From Middle English luke, leuke, lewke (“lukewarm, tepid”), from an unexplained variant or extension of Middle English lewe (“warm, lukewarm, tepid”).

They lost me at “Middle English.” Is that what they speak in Middle Earth?
I’m only writing about the word “lukewarm” because it is today’s Daily Prompt at WordPress and it made me think about my cousin and his lovely family, which recently increased by one last month when Eloïse arrived and added another female to Luke’s household.
 <P>
If my dear old dad was alive, he would probably have a word or two of advice for Luke. Dad was also a father of two daughters, and being his first daughter, I can make an educated guess at what he probably would tell my cousin.
“Small girls are the best! They believe every word their daddy says, even the tallest of tales. They spook easily, especially at night when their shutters are open and suddenly a face appears next to the window with a loud evil laugh, “bwahahahaha”.
“Then, before you realize it, they begin scaring you. They are not even trying to, and that is the scariest thing about it.”
“Good luck, kiddo!”
Or something like that.
♥ Happy Valentine’s Day ♥
TTFN

Dear Power Company,

I am writing you this letter to:

  1. Protest your inefficiency at prioritization of emergency calls.
  2. To give you a clue about our neighborhood.

Day One
Tree branch broke and downed power lines on my street. YOU, meaning the Almighty Power Company, put out an orange cone and used yellow construction tape to block off the street at the nearby cross-street.

Yes, YOU did send out all those recorded “comfort” messages by phone. Too bad I did not  bigfootcomethget them.  No power, no telephone service. We only knew what happened by one of our neighbors who lived across the street where it happened.

Day Two
I had to make a phone call and we get no cell coverage from Verizon where our home is. This meant a bit of a walk down the street to get a strong enough signal. Actually we were not able to walk – it was more like maneuvering through 3 feet of snow and ice. Something I have never had to do in my life. Something I always thought would be fun. I am an idiot.

When we came across the orange cone and yellow tape, we saw that the tree  and power lines were still in the street. This did not make us happy. So, the first call I made was to YOU and a recording answered. “If you have an emergency, like downed power lines, press one”  So I did.

My call was picked up immediately and the operator took all the information. It would seem that YOU blocked off the street but did not tell a work crew about it. I was assured that it would be taken care of ASAP.

And it was. The lines were moved over to the side of the road (as much as possible because the tree pinning them down and blocking the road was not removed).

Day Three
anditsstillsnowing  We asked our neighbor who had power (lucky bum!) to call YOU, again, and find out what the deal was. The deal was that YOU changed the status of my call to ‘resolved’. I was NOT happy about this news at all.  YOU were now dealing with a sleep deprived (someone needed to keep putting wood into the stove), barely washed (no hot water, remember?), woman who just moved all the semi-warm contents of her fridge to her ice-cold garage. “Garage: is the New Frigidaire” probably won’t catch on like the other dumb sayings have, but I can relate to this one.

It snowed all day, so that must have delayed YOU from even starting to work on our situation. Our neighbor, whom I owe cookies now, knocked on our door and told us YOU said the status for our neighborhood’s restoration was 5:45 pm – today.

YOU are in so much trouble!  Especially when the sun set and we knew we would spend another night in total darkness. Thankfully, we were able to scrounge up enough batteries to keep a camping lantern going when we needed to see.

Day Four
Being cut off from the world (no TV, phone calls, Internet, texting), was driving me mad. Unable to watch the playoff games on the weekend, I had no clue who was going to the Super Bowl. My cousins had their baby girl and I didn’t know for days!  And…I missed the Oscar Nomination announcements!  To many people it is probably easy to wait for that information. Not for me. My whole being was “chomping at the bit”  – a saying I now fully understand, BTW.

The latest ETA from YOU is noon today. Forgive me if I don’t believe it. Hubby has the fire roaring and along with 3 layers of clothing and ensconced in a “snuggy”, I am finally warm. I feel rebellious and snarky and I’m not going to move until my pout is over. Even though I have to pee.

Peeing has become a necessary evil. As you pull 4 layers down, you get a preview of the ice-cold seat awaiting you. It is 52 F in the bathroom. In spite of the warm lantern you bring in to comb your hair by.

A smart woman would take advantage of an empty fridge that is fairly warm and wash the bins and shelves. I, normally am that woman, and it could happen still, after I am finished with my pout.

Noon came and went. No surprises there. To YOUR credit we did have power in the afternoon. It was like, I imagine, getting out of jail must feel. I waited a half an hour before plugging things back into outlets, just to be safe from brownouts. I feared we would be back in the dark soon. My faith in YOU, diminished a lot.

Sincerely,
Jodi Lea
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

cleanempty  BTW, my fridge is a gleaming white appliance. I hate to put food in it again. Hubby said, “It’s blinding!” and threw his arms up over his eyes. He’s such a comedian.

His humor kept me from having a severe pout. My sense of humor had left the building along with Elvis on Day Two. I, who pride myself on getting through things with my great sense of humor, am truly embarrassed.

I was humbled even further when hubby answered our first phone call.

“You’ve reached the Donner Party, please leave a message,” his huge grin was like a kid making a prank call, and that made me laugh even harder.

♥ TTFN ♥