(Belated) Excuses & Apologies

Last December I sent cards, to very few people from my Christmas list. No cheery and newsy Christmas letter was written.

Q: Why?
A: I was literally out of my mind.

I was on a new medication, to help another medication work better for one of my chronic conditions. Willis-Ekbom Disease. Ever heard of that one? It is a neurological ailment that is basically Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) on uppers. The new meds turned my brain to mush. Of course, it took me a couple of weeks to realize what was happening with the chaos of the holidays going on. By then, the damage had been done.

Trying to write a note in a card, or just address an envelope was a major effort. I would fall asleep, jerk awake, then finish my sentence with totally unrelated words, which I had to scribble out and try again. You can imagine how sloppy the cards and envelopes looked. Apologies if you got one. Apologies if you didn’t.

Even worse were the hallucinations. I’m grateful they were not scary ones – like LSD induced or written by Stephen King. They were more embarrassing than anything. Like I would reach for my glass of water, only to find it wasn’t there. Did I fall asleep for a couple of seconds, and dream it was there? The same thing would happen as I spoke or wrote to someone. A scenario would play in my head and seem real, until I opened my mouth to talk about it and realize it wasn’t real and the other person would have no clue what I was talking about. Which was only fair, because I already forgot what it was.

The disgusting thing was, the meds did not help my condition at all. So, I read the info that came with the prescription, about the drug, side effects, etc. One of the many “side effects” of the drug was brain damage.

Oh. That’s. Lovely…

The next day I called my doctor and told him I was brain damaged, and my RLS was worsening. He told me to stop taking the drug immediately, and be patient- the side-effects may take some time to go away.

THAT was an understatement.

Nearly a year has passed and I still will get those “non-LSD” moments.  I’m trying to cover them up when they occur, but the occasional “out-there” comment will be spoken. Hubby looks at me strangely, waiting for an explanation that does not come. I can’t explain it because I don’t know what happened. Really.

My helpful hubby, suggested that the med in question simply enhanced the brain damage I inherited from my family. I reminded him that due to his family’s genetic brain damage, he married me.

Har-Har-Har.

♥  TTFN  ♥

 

 

How I Spent This Lovely Weekend…

I am not normally a quiet person. It doesn’t even matter if I’m alone, which I seem to be a lot these days. I’m usually talking to me, myself, and I during the day when hubby is out puttering in his shop, and I am being a domestic goddess. Or writing.

That is until my Thermal Nuclear Joint attacks me.

It’s medical name is: ‘Temporal-mandibular joint’. If you are lucky enough to have no idea what I’m talking about, an excellent WebMD® page explains the Temporal-mandibular Joint Disorder in layman’s terms. Please forgive me for hating your guts, but I have dealt with PAIN for 4-days now and I hate everything!

I owe everyone I know an apology.  TMJ_1Please be patient about getting one.

Even when I don’t move my jaw, some invisible entity with a hammer keeps pounding an ice-pick deeper and deeper  into my ear. If I only had the combo to hubby’s gun safe I could blow this freaking entity away. Or my head off. Either way – problem solved.

The level of PAIN that one small joint can cause astounds me. Take a look at the drawing. See the large muscles protecting the little TM joint? They tense up to protect the joint, and when they tense too much they push the joint out of alignment, increasing the pain factor. Now, your jaw is swollen so much that you appear to be keeping a jumbo jaw-breaker (pun intended) inside your cheek. This is not a good look for an older woman.

If I could open my mouth to scream I would, but I am forced to scream in my head. This could be why I have a huge headache. I can’t concentrate on sewing, crocheting, knitting, my book, anything. Not even this post, which I started yesterday, trying to distract myself and maybe find some humor in all this.  Yeah. Right.

Alternating Advil and Aleve every two hours, for 4 days, has torn up my stomach. But only they and my ice pack are helping me keep what sanity I have left and that isn’t much at all.  Saltines and 7-Up are to combat the nausea.  I will have to drive down to the store this afternoon. My pantry is empty because of my vanity. I have not gone to the store (or anywhere) because I look hideous. I would take a picture and prove to you that I am not exaggerating, if I wasn’t so vain.

Dinner tonight pork loin and seasoned potatoes – grilled, with a side salad. Hubby will be very happy to have ‘Real Food’ for a change. For men it’s not ‘Real Food’ unless it’s meat & potatoes.

I am actually looking forward to my cottage cheese with a little shredded chicken and green olives. (No, I am not being sarcastic, like usual) And don’t forget the Taco Bell mild sauce on the side. I thought my daughter was crazy too – until I tried it. You can buy bottles of it in the hot sauce section at your local grocery store. This is perfect for people like me who never want to set foot in a Taco Bell again.

For dessert I made a (sugar-free) banana pudding pie, because sometimes popcorn isn’t a good idea.

Only 25 more minutes to wait – then I can take more Aleve. Until then, I need to go get some more ice.

Ta-Ta For Now (TTFN)  😉

Got Valium?

Forget the milk.

I spent the past week trying to get through 954 emails that had piled up in my mail box at work, during the 2 weeks I was out. I scheduled a meeting with our department’s top management to formally give them my retirement date (July 19th). Only 13 more working days to go – and I can’t stop smiling!

At home there isn’t nearly as much smiling. So much to go through and weed out – still!  Haven’t I been doing this for months?  Not much sorting got accomplished last week – too busy interviewing moving company’s and trying to make up my mind how much packing we could reasonably do on our own to save money.

I put our old office furniture and the rolling cabinet for the microwave up for grabs on Craig’s List. So far not many queries. I probably did it wrong (this was my maiden voyage). I may have to find a charity that will pick up furniture.

To make the week more interesting, I got a call from my doctor’s office about test results that came back “positive” – which, unfortunately, is negative news. Now I must have a more  invasive test that will put me out of commission for 1.5 days to overrule or confirm the earlier test.  Like I have time for this …

Surprisingly, I am not freaking out. In fact, life has been so f#$%@!g crazy around here that I’m actually looking forward to it.  I will be heavily medicated for the test,  and that sounds soooo wonderful to me now….

Medications

photo credit: Robert S. Donovan via photo pin cc