Tag: naive

Why My Guardian Angel Deserves A Raise

~ JodiLea

Dear God,

Thank you for my Guardian Angel. Please give him a BIG FAT Raise.  He works very hard to protect me from Evil, as well as myself.

When I was much younger, I pictured my Guardian Angel petite and feminine, like Tinkerbell with a halo. Maybe when I was younger that was the kind of Angel I needed.  As I grew up  my Guardian Angel needed to be more formidable.

As in Ving Rhames formidable.

Ving RhamesWhen I was seventeen, my cousin and I borrowed my Uncle’s 1974 Ford Pinto to run some errands. We were waiting to turn left at a busy intersection when a large truck smacked into the back of us and we were shoved 30 feet past the intersection. The back-end of the car wrapped itself over the front doors. The gas tank ruptured, spewing gasoline – a Ford Pinto defect in the mid 70’s you may have heard about.

So why does my Guardian Angel deserve a raise? First of all, my cousin did not have the wheels “pre-turned” to the left. So when the truck pushed us at 50 miles per hour, we went straight down the road, instead of turning  into oncoming traffic. Secondly, we had already dropped off my cousin’s baby niece at Grandmas house, so she was not in the car. There were no car seats back then – only laps. Last but not least, there had not been even one spark created by all that crushing metal to set all that gasoline on fire.  My cousin and I had whiplash. There was crying and shock, but no blood. There was another blessing later on as well. The insurance settlement paid for our 1st semester of college.

College must have been exhausting  for my Guardian Angel. He had to run interference from my stupid decisions. Decisions like letting drunk boys drive me back to the dorm from parties. And trying out the toga party “punch”.  I was  very, VERY naive. I was preyed upon by losers, users and evil-doers. If someone told me something, I believed it. Why would they lie? Why indeed…

I was also a  Jerk Magnet and my Angel had to be the defender of my chastity more than once. I used to wonder why I went out on a lot of first dates and had no boyfriends. Nobody messes with a formidable Guardian like Ving. Not twice.

Now that I am a happily married grandmother, my Ving-like Guardian Angel needs more action. No problem! I have 2 little granddaughters that need some serious protection. Phoenix, who is 6-years old, will be another reason he deserves a raise.

 

 

Photo of Ving Rhames, courtesy of Hollywood.com

Things I Hope People DON’T Remember About Me

~ JodiLea

While pondering topic #11 “what do you most want to be remembered by”, things I did not want people to remember came to mind.

Crazy Woman Sign

When I was a preschooler I was terrified of butterflies. They flew at me, circled me. They were glorified, day-time moths. There was something evil about them, but no one would take me seriously. My parents were embarrassed and told me I was being stupid.

In Junior High I was a nerd with horrible acne. In High School I was an older nerd with terrible acne. There were no ProActive products around then. My dermatologist could not even help me.

College flashbacks are starting to hit me now – like the time a bunch of us girls went to a party and everyone was hungry and wanted to stop somewhere. I voted not to stop because I was not feeling well and I wanted to go back to the dorm. I was outvoted. While they were inside ordering burgers and fries, I was outside barfing into the decorative planters in front of  Burger King.

A different party, where I got blasted because I got dumped by my date to said party that morning because his girlfriend was in town. Surprise! I thought I was his girlfriend. I did his laundry the night before for him. (Oh man! Did I get a severe talking to by my dorm-mates regarding this uncalled for domestic behavior) I was so out of it, that my friends, who were not ready to leave the party, entrusted a guy we all knew to take me back to the dorm. The poor guy had to practically carry me. Then, I did not have my key to the after hours door to my dorm – so I could not get in. He had his key to the boys dorm. Risking expulsion, he snuck me through the boys dorm to get me to the main entrance of  girls dorm, where a gal heard him banging on the door and let me in. I wish I could remember my knight in shinning armors name.

Or how about the time my (I thought) new boyfriend took me on a camping trip. I was naive and figured we would camp under the stars, float the river on canoes, snuggle by the campfire.  He had other plans that I messed up. During the entire float trip the next day he treated me like crap. Made me do all the paddling, saying (repeatedly and loudly) that virgins “needed to be good for something”.  Then the jerk steers us off the main river and we broadsided a fallen log and lost the canoe.  No one in our group of friends were around to hear us call for help. The water was rushing so fast it was hard to hang on. We dared not let go and swim under the log either, for there was debris and God knows what under the water.

We must have hung on for dear life over 20 minutes before a river patrol found us and pulled us to safety. Waterlogged and bruised I spent the second worse night of my life sleeping in the jerk’s car. Did I mention he was too cheap to rent a tent? Some camping trip.

My roommate was thrilled when he dumped me. She had always hated him, suspecting he was a jerk. (Yeah – He did the dumping. I don’t know where my brain was. I even wrote love poems to the guy the week before. Gag!) I wonder what he is doing now.

These are just a small sampling of incredibly stupid moments in my life. The scary thing is – there are probably some more to come. I hope I can keep my granddaughters from finding out most of them…

♥