What Does Stress Mean to You?

Final exams? Public Speaking? Drama at Work? Children? Responsibility? Acne?

Each of the above, at one time or another, meant stress for me. The worst stressor, to me, is Dread. Do not confuse dread with fear; that is totally different. Dread is that dark cloud hovering over your head of something to come. You know it’s going to happen. Maybe you don’t know when exactly it is scheduled, but soon. You don’t know how things will go or what realities are involved. The only thing you know for sure is that it will be extremely painful.

No one sat me down and told me, “it will be extremely painful.” I know from experience that it will be painful because I have survived many of these surgeries on a much smaller scale, and they were very painful to recover from.

The Dread (my cloud of doom) began last summer after discussing with my dentist and implant surgeon the best course of action for the bone loss in my jaw and my broken teeth. I would have one or two implants yearly, which did not cover the damage. This was only playing catch-up. We were all sick and tired of my oral trauma. Yet, the solution was horrifying. It was decided last summer. The scheduling messed up in August, so months later, the Dread is monumental.

Tomorrow afternoon the prep for the next day’s surgery begins. No scalpels, just drills. Every implant crown and bridge has to come off before the surgery. The ones in the front will make my two front teeth the only teeth at the top. This look is so cute on little girls. I doubt I will post a photo of this look on myself because I doubt I will get any good drugs tomorrow, no matter how much I deserve them. I’m sure I will rant on that subject in the near future.

Because I like to write “sagas” of crap I have to deal with to work it all out from my head, my next few posts [categorized “Jaws”] could involve details that folks already afraid of dentists may find disturbing. For brave souls that want to find out the truthful impact and the recovery process, for future reference – Please join me. It will be educational. Depending on the comments posted, it could be amusing as well.


Note to Self: Remember This!

SmallStonesThe person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

            — Chinese proverb

I should have this proverb tattooed on the top of my right hand.  So I would see it every day and remember this simple, but very important concept.

It is in my nature to have a great idea and go full steam ahead with it – expecting to create or change whatever it is, in an impossible time frame.  Then… I get overwhelmed. When I am overwhelmed, I become stuck, the task is too large and I don’t know where or how to begin. So I don’t do anything at all and feel like a failure.

I am an intelligent, mature person.  Why do I insist on making things harder on myself?  If three therapists over the years can’t help me answer that question…

I have several ‘mountains’ I want to move these days. Each one requires patience, perseverance and a lot of time.  They should not be done in haste, or, as my folks called it, half-assed, because they are important to me. No boss or taskmaster is looking over my shoulder, or anxiously waiting for these mountains to get moved.  The only ones who give a flying hoot about these things are Me, Myself, and I.

You would think I could give myself a break! Sometimes I do. Then taking a break from one, leaves room for working on another one. Therefore, I am floating in the breeze, not getting anything finished.

You may have noticed this, my dear reader, but my blog posts are few these days. And yes, I know they are boring – a fact I plan on correcting.

Oh wait! That’s another mountain, isn’t it?


Gotta Go…







Diary of a Nicotine Addict: 2 Years and Counting

This addict diary series began in May of 2011 when I quit smoking. Every now and then I post an ‘update’ for self-therapy and interested followers…

Dear Diary & Dearest Readers,

Well, I have wanted to smoke lately. This is a warning signal that I’m becoming increasingly stressed. In the past, I would try to hide from stress with a martini and a cigarette (or two… or twenty…).

Once an addict, always an addict. My knee-jerk reaction to stress is nicotine. My brain knows it won’t help, but cell memory (and The Bitch) are calling me.

Don’t pick up that phone!

Whatever stress I have will pass – but one cigarette will lead to a thousand more. And I know what I’m talking about. I have personally researched this more than a few times, and I hope that you, smokers and non, can benefit from my experience.

Any new non-smokers struggling with The Bitch? Don’t be Pocket Watch discouraged to hear she shows up even after 2-years. Her evil powers diminish as you gain time, but she keeps trying anyway. She’s a very stubborn Bitch.

Remember the “STOP THINKING!!” technique?  So simple, and it really works. Try it yourself sometime to stop thoughts you should not dwell on. You don’t even have to throw a tantrum for it to work, but it is cathartic.

And fun too.  🙂

Stay tuned for uncommon reason’s to stay smoke-free…