The Sum of All Parts

I have heard that if you strip down an expensive car and sold it piece by piece it is worth more than the whole car. This sounds fishy to me.

My body parts are competing for the title of “Most Annoying.” This competition occurs daily. I wake up and thank God I am sober, and pray for strength to make it through the day and get things accomplished.

I know before I get out of bed which body parts are competing. Even sleeping on a Sleep Number bed, my hip joints and my spine are already paining me. Getting out of bed will be painful but I learned that if I take it slow, stretch (very slow), and walk around a little while my muscles relax and I start to move less like Walter Brennen and more like a girl.

The older I become, the more I can’t sit still. Too long in one position and my joints “freeze.” I need to be oiled. There are OTC meds for joint loosening and I believe I should try one of them. I need to put them on my grocery list. It is a long walk to the refrigerator where the list hangs. It’s not that I am lazy, I just forget what I was going to write when I get there.

I will address the issues with my memory in some other blog post.

I don’t know how the body parts feel, but in my reasoning, the Jaw wins. TMJ – Its medical name is: ‘Temporal-Mandibular Joint’. I prefer to call it the ThermoNuclear Joint. This joint is very small, and it has the big job of keeping your jaw in alignment.

The tiniest joint has the most power. The best (and most accurate) description of TMJ pain I ever heard is, “Take an icepick and put it on your eardrum. Now hit it with a hammer.”

Have you ever dislocated a disc in your neck by sneezing? Give yourself a concussion with a cupboard door? I mean, really! Can’t we all just get along?

TTFN

Getting In The Mood

I’m not in the mood for the holiday season – yet. XmasFreeZone

I’m tired, in pain and my jaw is swollen and bruised. I am not a happy person this week. Did I mention whiny and emotional? I hate when I get this way, but I know what to do to shake off the hum-bugs…

I need to watch It’s a Wonderful Life. Bake cookies, bread, and fudge. Decorate the house (after cleaning it!). Nag hubby to get our tree and lights up. Play Christmas music. Kidnap granddaughters to help with baking and assorted decorations. These things send me over to the festive side every time.

What gets YOU in the mood??
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photo credit: Duane Storey via photopin cc

How I Spent This Lovely Weekend…

I am not normally a quiet person. It doesn’t even matter if I’m alone, which I seem to be a lot these days. I’m usually talking to me, myself, and I during the day when hubby is out puttering in his shop, and I am being a domestic goddess. Or writing.

That is until my Thermal Nuclear Joint attacks me.

It’s medical name is: ‘Temporal-mandibular joint’. If you are lucky enough to have no idea what I’m talking about, an excellent WebMD® page explains the Temporal-mandibular Joint Disorder in layman’s terms. Please forgive me for hating your guts, but I have dealt with PAIN for 4-days now and I hate everything!

I owe everyone I know an apology.  TMJ_1Please be patient about getting one.

Even when I don’t move my jaw, some invisible entity with a hammer keeps pounding an ice-pick deeper and deeper  into my ear. If I only had the combo to hubby’s gun safe I could blow this freaking entity away. Or my head off. Either way – problem solved.

The level of PAIN that one small joint can cause astounds me. Take a look at the drawing. See the large muscles protecting the little TM joint? They tense up to protect the joint, and when they tense too much they push the joint out of alignment, increasing the pain factor. Now, your jaw is swollen so much that you appear to be keeping a jumbo jaw-breaker (pun intended) inside your cheek. This is not a good look for an older woman.

If I could open my mouth to scream I would, but I am forced to scream in my head. This could be why I have a huge headache. I can’t concentrate on sewing, crocheting, knitting, my book, anything. Not even this post, which I started yesterday, trying to distract myself and maybe find some humor in all this.  Yeah. Right.

Alternating Advil and Aleve every two hours, for 4 days, has torn up my stomach. But only they and my ice pack are helping me keep what sanity I have left and that isn’t much at all.  Saltines and 7-Up are to combat the nausea.  I will have to drive down to the store this afternoon. My pantry is empty because of my vanity. I have not gone to the store (or anywhere) because I look hideous. I would take a picture and prove to you that I am not exaggerating, if I wasn’t so vain.

Dinner tonight pork loin and seasoned potatoes – grilled, with a side salad. Hubby will be very happy to have ‘Real Food’ for a change. For men it’s not ‘Real Food’ unless it’s meat & potatoes.

I am actually looking forward to my cottage cheese with a little shredded chicken and green olives. (No, I am not being sarcastic, like usual) And don’t forget the Taco Bell mild sauce on the side. I thought my daughter was crazy too – until I tried it. You can buy bottles of it in the hot sauce section at your local grocery store. This is perfect for people like me who never want to set foot in a Taco Bell again.

For dessert I made a (sugar-free) banana pudding pie, because sometimes popcorn isn’t a good idea.

Only 25 more minutes to wait – then I can take more Aleve. Until then, I need to go get some more ice.

Ta-Ta For Now (TTFN)  😉