It’s National Condom Day!

Condomania
photo credit: Rampant Gian via photopin cc

I did not get to use one today.  I hope y’all were more lucky 😉

I did get a sweet romantic card, and a cardboard heart full of Sugar Free chocolates (I’m diabetic, remember?). And yes, they are from hubby ♥. What a pleasant surprise from He Who Can’t Be Forced.   He will totally ignore Valentine’s Day and Anniversaries, but will surprise me with a romantic gesture out of the blue.

My advice – enjoy romance when it happens!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Romance For Dummies: V-day

CupidConquers

In honor of  St. Cupid, I am “paying it forward” to educate men about romance and how it can make their lives (and ours) much happier. ” If your woman is happy…”  and so on.

The very first item we need to cover  is Valentine’s Day. It is this week!!

NEVER ignore this day, or pretend you forgot, to save you from making an effort to be romantic. Gentlemen, you  screw yourselves by doing this. (Pun intended)  This is the one day of the year, she needs to feel special.  Desired, adored and spoiled by you. If she tells you “Oh, Valentine’s Day is no biggie. I don’t care about flowers and chocolates…”.  Do not sigh relief and be glad to get out of it.

SHE  IS  LYING.

Don’t panic!  Remember, you once convinced her to go out with you.  Be that guy. Flirt with her.  I don’t care if you’ve been married for 25-years, she will flirt back.

The Valentine’s Day gift must be something wrapped, for her to open. Taking her to dinner is romantic, but NOT a gift. If you can’t afford to buy her nice jewelry – don’t worry.  My favorite gifts have been a picture of Micky & Minnie Mouse flirting (perfect for a new courtship), and the cutest cement  bunny that mysteriously appeared in my garden.  BTW,  I married that guy…

It doesn’t matter what*** the gift is.  It just needs to represent your feelings for her. Maybe it represents a private joke that only you two share.   The point is you are expressing your love for her. That’s all she wants. Really.

Now that isn’t so bad, is it?

♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥

*** Gifts to NEVER buy a woman (for any occasion):

  • Kitchen Utensils (i.e. spatulas, colanders)
  • Vacuum Cleaner
  • Apron
  • Voo-Doo Doll
  • A Cookbook (unless cooking together is your “thing”)
  • Electronic Gadget that you want
  • Gun(s)
  • Porn (Dude!  Totally not cool as a gift)

Ladies – please send me any suggestions or ideas that need to be passed along to your man. Together we can make a difference  🙂

photo credit: Sebastià Giralt via photopin cc

It’s Valentine’s Day. Again!

It all starts when you’re a kid. You bring a shoebox to school and make a Valentine Mail Box.  Your shoebox gets wrapped up in fancy paper and decorated the way you like. Then you make a slit in the very top so valentines can be “mailed” to you. Your mom buys you a package of 30 valentines and you spend hours at the kitchen table addressing them to the kids in your class. Even kids you don’t like will get a valentine from you (and you from them).

On the big day I could not wait to run home and open my valentines. Hoping that John or Roy or some boy wrote me a special note inside their valentine to me. Never happened. Not even once.

Why have I not learned from this? Each year I revert back to that little girl surrounded by torn open valentines, and heartbroken. I know it will happen again this year – just like last year and the 45 years before that. Tonight is Feb. 13th and I am feeling  sad in advance. I know that is ridiculous, but it’s who I am.

Deep down in my soul, where reality is overruled by feeling, there is a glimmer of  hope. No amount of  pessimism, intelligence or giving myself a good talking to, can sway it.  The  “just maybe” part of me keeps longing for a passionate, romantic outpouring of adoration from the man I love. On Valentine’s Day.

I get the fact that Valentine’s Day means nothing to 99% of the male population. So??  It does mean something extremely important to your woman. Some effort on your part for one freaking day of the year, is all we’re asking. Don’t give us that crap about “I didn’t know what to get you”. Have you ever seen a movie that had a leading man and woman in it? Do you watch television?

Valentine’s Day is not like President’s Day. It is on the same damn day every year. February 14th.  Shame on you for pretending you did not know when Valentine’s Day was. You know who you are.

Here’s some free advice:  On the list of things we would like to get from our men on Valentine’s Day,  “Nothing”  is not one of them.