A compass is as helpful to me as lipstick on a pig.

I need my buddy “Tim” to tell me where I need to go. Tim is the Englishman who lives inside my GPS unit and tells me what lane to be in and when to turn left.  He calls the freeway a “motorway” in an English (UK) accent. ( I don’t know why, but I find that cool)

When I turn too early, or not at all, Tim never hollers at me. He quietly re-calculates the route and instructs me how to get there from wherever I happen to be. Thank goodness somebody knows where I am!   So terrified of getting lost, I never drove anywhere outside of my town (on purpose), until Tim came along.

There are others* within my GPS that I can call on, who are entertaining, but tend to get on my nerves after 3 hours, so I usually return to reliable (and patient) Tim. Tim is not perfect. He often tries to get me to go strange and confusing routes. I guess these routes are shortcuts according to Tim, or he likes to mess with me. Either way, I ignore them when I happen to know where I am in relation to where I am going. This does not happen often, so when it does I feel pretty damn smart!

There are many voices I can buy from the website if I get bored with Tim.

* One is a Jamaican native who yells “turn the car around!” a lot. Then there’s Darth Vader – he tells me “your lack of faith is disturbing” when I don’t do exactly as he says. (I half expect to start choking) My granddaughter likes Billy Bob Thornton’s character from “Sling Blade” the best, who says, “Well, I guess you didn’t kill anybody” when you arrive at your destination.

Who tells you where to go?

photo credit: Su℮ ❥ via photopin cc