Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Week 5 Begins

June 17, 2011December 3, 2012 ~ JodiLea ~ 3 Comments

June 17th, 2011

Dear Diary,

This could be the toughest one yet. My hubby will be out-of-town all weekend and I will be left home alone. Unsupervised.

Well, I won’t be totally alone. The Bitch (a.k.a. my addiction), will be an uninvited house guest. She will be hovering close to me, whispering sweet lies that my addicted brain wants to believe. Things like “Oh come on, you deserve a ‘free day’ “, or “No one will ever know if you have a couple smokes”.

When she gets desperate, the Bitch starts throwing old issues at me, excavated from my traumatic past. Nothing is too low of a blow for the Bitch. ” It’s too late now, you’re old and the damage has been done “, ” If you can’t smoke anymore, which addiction will you turn to next?”, “Hasn’t your poor family been through enough?” The more desperate she gets, the nastier her ranting (inside my head) becomes.

What the Bitch doesn’t know is that I have a plan of attack. I’m going to strap on my iPod and rock & roll while spring cleaning. I call it spring cleaning because I’m going to pull everything out of the drawers, closets, and shelves. I will pack up what I want to move and get rid of what I don’t want. I will clean before I put the stuff back. This activity will be exhausting.

Next I will put on my pajamas, get my popcorn bowl, and start the Soap Marathon.

I have 8 days (16 episodes) of my soaps waiting for me on the DVR. Hubby hates listening to The Young and Restless & The Bold and Beautiful. I don’t know if he hates the shows, or my behavior. I admit that I sometimes yell at the characters when they are being incredibly stupid. There are many bitches (and bastards) to hate, root for, and scream at. If you’re looking for entertainment that takes you completely away from reality – you should check them out.

During Soap Intermission I plan to call my best friend and see what she’s up to. I will try to talk her into visiting me out here in California where it’s tornado and flood free. That girl knows me more than anyone else. Except God, and He may consult her for all I know..

When all the soaps have been watched and I touch base with my BFF, I may do some gardening, organize photos, clippings, announcements, and the what-not I’ve been saving to put into a scrapbook someday. Or I may take a nap. The choice is mine.

And NOT the Bitches!

😉

Diary of an Addict: Obey The Signs

June 10, 2011December 3, 2012 ~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

June 10th, 2011: Day 22

Dear Diary,

I have a new mission. It popped into my head while I was putting together our dinner this evening. I just love when that happens!

I decided to stop, at least most of, my whining. It only feeds my dark emotional state and I am bored with it. Instead, I plan to pass along useful information about nicotine addiction. At least until another mission comes along. Who knows? I may actually help somebody!

I found these signs interesting and thought I would share them.

TTFN

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Week 3

June 8, 2011December 3, 2012 ~ JodiLea

Evil Child

June 8th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Friday began week #3 without a cigarette. Wahoo. I decided to not continue the patches for 4 more weeks because they will just prolong the agony. My system will have to deal without nicotine eventually, so why not now? I’m already miserable, I reasoned…

By Sunday morning I start questioning this decision.

I am jittery, sleep deprived and intolerant of noise, light, and reality. My pores are seeping toxins because my face is breaking out like crazy. I only ate popcorn for breakfast and lunch, and cake for dinner one day this week. The load of laundry I did last week is still in the dryer – I just can’t make myself deal with it.

I watched the same 5 iCarly episodes 45 times and 4 episodes of ScoobyDoo 37 times, with my 6-year old granddaughter. I picked up and washed every piece of Tupperware I own at least 5 times so my 1-year old granddaughter could pull it out of the cupboard and have a blast, and that dear diary, was the most enjoyable things I did all weekend.

Today I must have left my brain in bed with my sleeping hubby. I had been busy working for 3 hours when I realized that I forgot to take my insulin. I do a routine every morning and I never forget my medication. Until today. This inability to focus and remember things is making me mad. Why can’t I forget I smoked?

My blood glucose level was climbing and I was hours late taking my meds. You know the ones I mean – I take them for your safety. So, I take an early lunch break at 10:15 to drive home so I can shoot up and pop pills. It sounds a lot more fun than it is, believe me.

Now I am nearly out of gas, so I pump 7 gallons for $30 and drive back to work. I should have looked for my brain while I was home, but I forgot.