Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Remembering Why

Locked Up Memory
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Let me say up-front:  The Bitch has been up to her wicked ways, but she has not been successful. ♥

With major life changes going on, retiring and moving from a city to a small town in the Sierra foothills, I have dealt with stress and emotions for weeks now.  I am wanting to start-up smoking again to relieve some of the pressure and strangeness I’m feeling.

Soooo, it’s time to remind myself of why I quit AND  why I need to stay quit. I should remind myself of the perks too.  Yes, believe it or not, there are perks!

Because I have not come up with the box that has my medical info and original list of reasons to quit inside of it, I will do my best to recreate it here.  If you are recovering from any kind of addiction, I invite you to make a reason list along with me. You also have reasons to stay clean. Who knows?  We may even share a few of them…

Jodi’s Reason List:

  1. Both of my parents died young of smoking related illnesses.
  2. I have chronic health conditions that are bad enough without being worsened by smoking.
  3. I don’t want to be the source of 2nd hand smoke anymore.
  4. Always had to interrupt whatever I was doing to go have a cigarette, because I just had to have one! (Perk: I won’t be standing outside in horrible weather because I have to smoke)
  5. Two words: Ashtray breath   (Perk: My gums are healthier and not receding anymore)
  6. It embarrassed me to be the only one at work who smoked (Perk: People stopped giving me crap about it)
  7. Was tired of being smelly (Perk: I can wear perfume and smell wonderful now)
  8. Sometimes I would chain smoke until I was nauseous (Perk: I make a lot of baby blankets)
  9. I hate the lying & conniving  tobacco industry, and I don’t want to support them anymore.
  10. I hate paying all the taxes when buying cigarettes. (Perk: I’ve saved $$$ )
Blogging All Night Long
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How many can YOU list???

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 4

I think I gained 10 pounds this weekend. I really wanted to sneak my birthday cake into my room and eat the thing by myself. There is only a large piece left and I want to hide it from my hubby before I go off to Curves. Yes – I know it’s ridiculous, and I don’t care.

The withdrawal symptoms have increased. What’s up with that? I am wearing the patch, so my body is getting Nicotine, from a new delivery system. The Bitch (my addiction, if you are joining this diary recently), demands the drug be administered in heavy doses that immediately reach the bloodstream. She is not liking this slow steady method and being The Bitch she is,  my day has been shitty.

I did manage to get a couple of things accomplished at work today. Then I spent the last 3 hours cleaning my office. My bookshelves have been a disaster and I was not going to tolerate it anymore. I know that tomorrow I will not remember why I put this here and the other over there. The important thing is I have gotten rid of some irrelevant papers and the dust bunnies.

Drug Bottles Tomorrow will be interesting. I have only 1/2 dose left of Welbutrin (a drug prescribed for helping your mood while you fight your addictions, among other things). My doctor was on vacation and it did not get refilled today. I forgot to order the refill on time. That is so unlike me, since I’m pretty anal about my refills. I bet The Bitch had something to do with this.

I am tired, grumpy, and have had a headache all day. And that last piece of birthday cake? I told him I wanted it for myself, but hubby had the audacity to eat half of it right after dinner. I knew I should have hidden it from the bum….