Diary of a Nicotine Addict: 8 months clean

Friday, January 20th

Dear Diary,

Today marks the 8th month I have not smoked.

Whoopee.

I’m not excited because I have fought with The Bitch on a daily basis. I have used all of  my addiction fighting tools the past 2 weeks and I am exhausted. I am also terrified – I feel The Bitch gaining on me.

I need to call in reinforcements…

Side Effects of Nicotine
Scare Tactics?
Phoenix Age 7
Tough Love?
Heavy Arillery
The National Guard?
Bad Ass Guardian Angel
Bad Ass Guardian Angel?

I think ALL of these at the same time might work 😉

Confessions of a Soap Opera Addict

I must wean myself off the damned things. My DVR is starting to fill up, and hubby and I have a lot of network shows that we tape. When your bedtime is 7:30pm you tape everything.

EyesI do love my soaps! I got addicted all over again when I moved in with my mom last year. After she passed away, I moved back home and set my DVR to tape every episode. Watching them without mom was not as fun, and I should have quit then. But really good stuff was happening and I couldn’t let go yet. After they solve the mystery , I’ll stop taping them I told myself. And wouldn’t you know it, some other “can’t miss” exciting stuff started up before the mystery was over, so I had to continue on. ..

Pocket WatchI tape and save, but don’t watch them. Well, I do watch them when hubby is working on his shop (a.k.a. man cave), or before he gets home from work. But today I watched 2 days worth out of 30.  I am starting to stress over how many I have to watch to catch up. I wonder what my therapist would say about that. Never mind. I know what she would say, and she would be blunt about it too.

I decided that I will turn off the auto recording of the soaps. I can watch the 28 days worth at my leisure. Then go back to checking in with them on the occasional holiday or sick day when I’m home during the week. But no more recordings!  I will just have to put up with the advertisement breaks every 7 minutes.

I’m glad that quitting soap operas will be easier than quitting nicotine. Nothing in this world is tougher than giving up cigarettes. Nothing.

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 3

Heavy Arillery
This is War!!!

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I posted such a horrid photo on my blog yesterday. Sorry!

As I sit here, sipping on a Sugar-Free Rock Star because morning coffee really gets me jonesing for a cigarette, The Bitch is setting me up. What pisses me off the most is I know she is trying to sabotage me and yet I can’t stop her.

Welcome to addiction, where knowledge is not much power.

This morning her tactic is self-pity and resentment. (The Bitch is bringing out the heavy artillery already and I don’t know whether to be proud of this or terrified.)  She attacks in the mornings because that is when I have the most awareness and energy. One or two little thoughts planted into my head can fester into a full-blown pity-party by noon.

This mornings thought: You would think your husband would mention how nice you smell.

That fleeting thought brings back to me all the times he told me I smelled like an ashtray. I start to feel resentful, then I pity poor little me, who smells NOT like an ashtray and nobody cares.

My next reaction is to retaliate. Should I pile on my favorite perfume until he notices?  The man is not even out of bed yet and already in trouble.

He will probably get used to this as time goes on…