Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 3

Heavy Arillery
This is War!!!

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I posted such a horrid photo on my blog yesterday. Sorry!

As I sit here, sipping on a Sugar-Free Rock Star because morning coffee really gets me jonesing for a cigarette, The Bitch is setting me up. What pisses me off the most is I know she is trying to sabotage me and yet I can’t stop her.

Welcome to addiction, where knowledge is not much power.

This morning her tactic is self-pity and resentment. (The Bitch is bringing out the heavy artillery already and I don’t know whether to be proud of this or terrified.)  She attacks in the mornings because that is when I have the most awareness and energy. One or two little thoughts planted into my head can fester into a full-blown pity-party by noon.

This mornings thought: You would think your husband would mention how nice you smell.

That fleeting thought brings back to me all the times he told me I smelled like an ashtray. I start to feel resentful, then I pity poor little me, who smells NOT like an ashtray and nobody cares.

My next reaction is to retaliate. Should I pile on my favorite perfume until he notices?  The man is not even out of bed yet and already in trouble.

He will probably get used to this as time goes on…