Come Inside My Head, if You Dare…
Dear Diary,
I’m pale, hungry, and barely smiling. It’s just after noon and I’m going to eat something and lie down on my bed for awhile. I feel (and look) sick. Perhaps I will sleep and be refreshed. Often I wake up grumpy and lethargic after a nap. I feel so drained that I’m going to take the chance.
I keep thinking it’s “time for a cigarette”, then remembering I stopped as I’m walking towards the door to the backyard where my smokes are. Were.
This is really HARD!
Friday, May 20th
Dear Diary,
My last puff was 8-hours ago. I feel really good and energetic, except I am mentally pacing around and restless. It’s time for my after lunch smoke, but I am not doing that. I can still go outside on my break and enjoy the sunshine – it will be weird without a cigarette, but then, what isn’t?
Before I leave for the weekend I think I will clean my work area. My desk is surrounded by dust bunnies and there are crumbs and coffee stains everywhere. It’s starting to gross me out and make me claustrophobic. Only an hour or so until I leave here and go to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients my daughter will need to make my special diabetic approved birthday cake this weekend. She found a recipe that is so wonderful AND uses artificial sugar 🙂
My next-door-office neighbor gave me a gift this morning. A large bag overflowing with sugar-free candies to help me through my cigarette-less days ahead. Is she being her sweet self, or is she afraid? Regardless, I am enjoying them much!
Well- I must get off my butt and take a little walk around the building now.
TTFN
Thursday, May 19th
Dear Diary,
My last pack has 4 cigarettes in it and I am debating whether or not to save 1 of them for the morning with my coffee. Waking up for me is the hardest part without a cigarette. Don’t I deserve a break on my birthday morning? The more I think about it, the better it sounds, so that is now my plan. Maybe I can save 2 of them….
Today I warned my co-worker and office hallway neighbor that tomorrow I may seem “off”. I have a mindless task all to work on all day if I want (need?) to. Since my hubby hasn’t read my blog in a long time, I had to warn him also. He took the news really well, which means he forgot what a pain in the ass I’m going to be for an unknown quantity of days. Maybe weeks.
I may even glam it up a bit if I have extra time. I never know what sort of mood I will be having in the morning, so I may go to work wearing comfy casual. One thing I am definitely wearing is a nicotine patch. What I put on over it, is not so important.
When you arise tomorrow morning, please wish me luck, or say a prayer, or knock on wood for me – whatever it is you do to send someone good vibes, OK?. I will need them!
TTFN 🙂
Jodi Lea's Place 