Resolutions: Renouncing Your Flaws

ThisYearIWillQuit  New Year’s Eve:  The night you are expected to give up something, to gain something else that you are pressured into wanting.

Let me explain – We are pressured to stop smoking (or whatever) by family members and well-meaning friends. Our smoking (addiction) comforts us, and we don’t want to give it up. We know that smoking does horrible things to our body. We know how expensive cigarettes are because we have to buy them. We have tried to quit before, and things went badly.

We are afraid to face life without smoking (or whatever).  We need to smoke – to feel calm, balanced and non-homicidal.  That is your frame of mind before you go to the New Years Eve party. Then when you are caught up in the moment, you (loudly) declare you will finally quit smoking. Everybody claps and cheers and you blush and take a deep bow.

You wake up and it’s January 1st. You may or may not have a hangover, but you are dragging butt just the same. Morning coffee and a cigarette will get you right again. Suddenly, you remember that you vowed to quit smoking, while dramatically tossing your last pack into the fireplace.  You curse yourself for wasting cigarettes like that.

You manage to stay quit 2 more hours before running to the nearest 7-11 and buying a few packs. Possibly some chocolate also, to help ease the guilt of letting yourself and others down. What a depressing way to start a new year!

That is why I will not make any new year’s resolutions tomorrow. (Is that a resolution?) I want to start the new year off positively.

And I need to figure out how to do that – by tomorrow 😉

Stay tuned….
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photo credit: Lester Public Library via photopin cc

A New Perspective

Today is New Year’s Day. I refuse to make a list of resolutions. I disappoint myself when I do not execute them perfectly, and I have enough trouble thwarting depression as it is – I don’t need to set myself up.

I would like to begin 2011 not bogged down with guilt. Guilt for not being as organized, as adventurous, as fearless, as intelligent, as fabulous and as gorgeous -as I want to be.  I want to be content and accepting of myself. I am tired of never being good enough.

If you don’t get what I’m talking about – then you are blessed. You probably don’t need a therapist, or a support group either. I would hate you, except I am too exhausted from hating myself.

Oops – did I say that out loud?  On the Internet?

Last year I would have erased this revelation, or deleted the entire post. This year I will give myself  permission to be flawed. I will accept my imperfectness. No more pretending to be sane, or otherwise, for the sake of appearances.

Hmmm. That sounds familiar…