Tag: Humor

Things People with Multiple Personalities Shouldn’t Do

~ JodiLea

Jodi (et al.)


All of these persona’s blog here. If you have followed along for a while, you may have  “met” most of them. They ALL have something to say.  I keep a notebook to jot down ideas, research, topics & whatnot, I  some of the stuff in there amazes me, obviously written by et al.

This is why I should not:

  • Get a Tattoo. Who would get to decide? We would be mortified by any image that suited another.
  • Go to Las Vegas. Not to mention any names, but one of us is a bit sleazy, one of us is a compulsive gambler, and who knows what kind of trouble the Goth one would cause.
  • Get Married. My poor husband Bruce. Every evening when he leaves work, he has no clue who he is coming home to.  He is exhausted.
  • Work with Alzheimer’s patients. Those poor souls have enough confusion in their lives. They certainly don’t need us.
  • Go anywhere without a GPS: Not a single one of us has any sense of direction.  I mean none… whatsoever.
  • Have the combination to the gun safe: The Government could learn from Bruce and the boys about keeping top-secret information from getting into the wrong hands.

.

Hey! Who are you calling “a bit sleazy” you sanctimonious witch! I think you’re  jealous because Bruce absolutely adores me.  All you want to do is work and blog. And nap, like now. And do-tell, who is the gambler?

That Strange Lady Next Door

~ JodiLea

Shhhh!

Topic #36: Describe yourself through your neighbor’s eyes.

The first time I saw her, she waved at me over the back fence. “Howdy neighbor!”,  she called out. Howdy?  Is she for real?

Two months later I had a visit from the FBI.  An Agent was doing an investigation. About her. He said it was routine, but some of the questions they asked me were disturbing.

“Have you noticed any suspicious activity next door?”

“Well,” I told them, “She is up at 3:00 am working on a laptop. She drives off around 4:30am. Once in a while she leaves the house when I am just going to bed,  at 1:30am. She keeps pretty weird hours for a computer tech.”

The agent scribbled notes in a little notebook. “Has she said much to you about her job?”

“No. But I hear things when she’s talking on her phone that has the head-set, while she does yard work.”

“What kind of things do you hear?” The agent asked, his notebook open and pencil at the ready.

“Oh, once I heard her say,  ‘Are you sure you want me to kill them?’  – that scared me a little.”

“Anything else?”  Agent FBI didn’t even flinch at my answer. He is either professional, or deaf.

“I have heard her talk about weather problems like cyclones and windstorms, logging into machines, trying out chemical agents and RDD’s”

“Have you observed any unusual behavior?”

“Yeah,  she talks to her roses like they are actually listening to her and answering her. She makes horrible threats to the weeds. She makes jokes about terrorists. Do you think she is dangerous?”

The agent did not acknowledge my question. He was too busy scribbling.

“Are you going to arrest her for something?” I asked.

“Thank you for your cooperation, and your time.”  Mr. Agent shook my hand in that dismissing way they have.

“That’s it?”  I asked. “Are you sure there isn’t information I need to know, since I live next door to a possible terrorist?!”

“Mr. Neighbor,” Agent FBI smiled. ” Unless you are a weed you don’t have anything to worry about.”

Still, I think I will be keeping a closer eye on the lady next door…