Tag: Humor

Never Let A Man Pick Out Your Vacuum Cleaner

~ JodiLea ~ 4 Comments

My hubby and his buddy were living and working on our new home for most of 2011 & 2012. I was not able join them, so they were there without any female supervision. This was a HUGE mistake, in ways I am still discovering.

I was relieved when hubby offhandedly mentioned they vacuumed once in awhile. I assumed that they were using the buddies vacuum, because he was storing most of his stuff in our basement after he moved from his apartment. I knew better than to assume anything when it came to my hubby or his friend, but alas, my guard was down.

So…  we move in and when one of the rooms (finally) got clear of boxes, I wanted to vacuum up the dirt and dust-bunnies that somehow hopped on a box and moved with us from our old house.  Hubby told me it was in the laundry room closet.

OMG!!

I did not want to believe this.  There stood the most big-assed, yellowest, ugliest, monstrosity of a vacuum that I had ever seen.  It obviously is a vacuum designed for men. It’s casing made me think of Storm Troopers.  I had to read the manual in order to figure out how to set it  to vacuum carpet.  "The Boss"

And get this – the yellow monster is so heavy (50+ pounds) that I can barely move it, so guiding it is a grueling chore . Only a man would buy a vacuum that looked macho and had a “Turbo” attachment. Am I right?

The thing’s own motor could not move the head enough to make it easier for me to push. I tried every carpet setting available. Some were better than others, but all of them strained my arm. It did not matter if I was pushing or pulling.

I would have used both arms to vacuum if I didn’t have to hold and maneuver the electrical cord to keep it from getting run over and eaten by Big Yellow. Yes, I  named it – temporarily. I plan on coming up with a much snottier one later.

To vacuum the corners, I configured it to use the hose attachment. Using the hose was even worse.  It wasn’t the hoses fault. It was the lifting and pulling of the monster around to get the short-assed hose where I needed it to go. My arm (wrist to shoulder) was not happy with me, and my herniated disc has not calmed down since.

Eureka!® must have had some reason to produce this monstrosity.  Nice try.  Men will certainly buy this model because it out-macho’s all the other vacuums.  Then the woman has to use the damn thing. That is just SO wrong!

I’m going to write those people a letter!

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Remembering Why

~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments
Locked Up Memory
photo credit: maistora via photo pin cc

Let me say up-front:  The Bitch has been up to her wicked ways, but she has not been successful. ♥

With major life changes going on, retiring and moving from a city to a small town in the Sierra foothills, I have dealt with stress and emotions for weeks now.  I am wanting to start-up smoking again to relieve some of the pressure and strangeness I’m feeling.

Soooo, it’s time to remind myself of why I quit AND  why I need to stay quit. I should remind myself of the perks too.  Yes, believe it or not, there are perks!

Because I have not come up with the box that has my medical info and original list of reasons to quit inside of it, I will do my best to recreate it here.  If you are recovering from any kind of addiction, I invite you to make a reason list along with me. You also have reasons to stay clean. Who knows?  We may even share a few of them…

Jodi’s Reason List:

  1. Both of my parents died young of smoking related illnesses.
  2. I have chronic health conditions that are bad enough without being worsened by smoking.
  3. I don’t want to be the source of 2nd hand smoke anymore.
  4. Always had to interrupt whatever I was doing to go have a cigarette, because I just had to have one! (Perk: I won’t be standing outside in horrible weather because I have to smoke)
  5. Two words: Ashtray breath   (Perk: My gums are healthier and not receding anymore)
  6. It embarrassed me to be the only one at work who smoked (Perk: People stopped giving me crap about it)
  7. Was tired of being smelly (Perk: I can wear perfume and smell wonderful now)
  8. Sometimes I would chain smoke until I was nauseous (Perk: I make a lot of baby blankets)
  9. I hate the lying & conniving  tobacco industry, and I don’t want to support them anymore.
  10. I hate paying all the taxes when buying cigarettes. (Perk: I’ve saved $$$ )
Blogging All Night Long
photo credit: Federico_Morando via photo pin cc

.

How many can YOU list???

Purple Haze ?

~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

I woke up early Monday, with nausea and a pounding headache. A smokey haze surrounded our house. It had infiltrated through our open windows during the night and the smell was unmistakable. Vaguely like  campfire, with a sickening aftertaste.

Purple Haze

There were no flames to be seen, and no helicopters or small planes buzzing overhead. This assures me that the fire itself was not too close.  But it’s a huge fire, if  it’s haze wafted over to us and still smells so strong.

For the first time since living here, I closed all the windows and turned on the air conditioning. I set the thermostat  to 84 degrees, and already it was blowing cool air at 6:00 AM because it was 85 degrees in the house, . A downside of having good insulation?

Anyway, I wanted to find out more of what was going on. I call it “staying informed”, but hubby says I’m nosy. Either way, I went  to the local on-line newspaper, The Pine Tree, and poked around awhile.

I found this interesting fire update article that I wanted to share with y’all.  The outstanding photos show the helicopters, jumpers, and air tankers working at the scene of the fire.

Fire Update…Ramsey Still at 250 Acres, 20% Containment, Moderately Active
Posted by: John_Hamilton of The Pine Tree on 08/12/2012 07:22 PM
Cottage Springs, CA…We just checked in with the USFS Dispatch Center in Sonora for the latest on the Ramsey fire as they get the last loads of retardant dropped to shore up the lines for the night. The fire is still being held in the 250 acre range but it is nibbling at the retardant lines and trying to break through. The risk is that with the lack of air drops that it could break through some lines overnight. Since it is down in the canyon an inversion factor can come into effect according to the USFS. This is where even as the temps cool out of the canyon the temps can remain high down in the canyon and keep the fire active. Air Attack 440 from Columbia will resume flight over the fire at 8am in the morning. Helicopters and Air Tankers will resume efforts shortly after. On the fire are 8 engines, 5 hand crews, 1 dozer, plus a water tender and other misc personnel overnight.
We would like to thank James J. Shinnick & Bill Minkel for the latest photos!

Don’t you just love how the reporter writes like he’s chatting with you personally?