Never Let A Man Pick Out Your Vacuum Cleaner

My hubby and his buddy were living and working on our new home for most of 2011 & 2012. I was not able join them, so they were there without any female supervision. This was a HUGE mistake, in ways I am still discovering.

I was relieved when hubby offhandedly mentioned they vacuumed once in awhile. I assumed that they were using the buddies vacuum, because he was storing most of his stuff in our basement after he moved from his apartment. I knew better than to assume anything when it came to my hubby or his friend, but alas, my guard was down.

So…  we move in and when one of the rooms (finally) got clear of boxes, I wanted to vacuum up the dirt and dust-bunnies that somehow hopped on a box and moved with us from our old house.  Hubby told me it was in the laundry room closet.

OMG!!

I did not want to believe this.  There stood the most big-assed, yellowest, ugliest, monstrosity of a vacuum that I had ever seen.  It obviously is a vacuum designed for men. It’s casing made me think of Storm Troopers.  I had to read the manual in order to figure out how to set it  to vacuum carpet. 

And get this – the yellow monster is so heavy (50+ pounds) that I can barely move it, so guiding it is a grueling chore . Only a man would buy a vacuum that looked macho and had a “Turbo” attachment. Am I right?

The thing’s own motor could not move the head enough to make it easier for me to push. I tried every carpet setting available. Some were better than others, but all of them strained my arm. It did not matter if I was pushing or pulling.

I would have used both arms to vacuum if I didn’t have to hold and maneuver the electrical cord to keep it from getting run over and eaten by Big Yellow. Yes, I  named it – temporarily. I plan on coming up with a much snottier one later.

To vacuum the corners, I configured it to use the hose attachment. Using the hose was even worse.  It wasn’t the hoses fault. It was the lifting and pulling of the monster around to get the short-assed hose where I needed it to go. My arm (wrist to shoulder) was not happy with me, and my herniated disc has not calmed down since.

Eureka!® must have had some reason to produce this monstrosity.  Nice try.  Men will certainly buy this model because it out-macho’s all the other vacuums.  Then the woman has to use the damn thing. That is just SO wrong!

I’m going to write those people a letter!