Tag: men

The Woman Rules: Our Side of the Story

~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

TeaTimeLast month I received copy of “The Man Rules” in my email. I, with some fellow bloggers/readers, had to respond with some “rules” of our own.

1.  Hurting us physically or emotionally may make us cry. If you do not want us to cry then don’t do that. If YOU did not hurt us, don’t try to ‘fix’ us. Just hold us and let us cry it all out.

2.  If  you realize you made a mistake, or that you were wrong about something – fess up. Apologize if you need to. Odds are you need to.

3.  Leave the damn toilet seat however you want.  Just AIM for pity’s sake.

4.  Do not ask the woman you just drove to and from outpatient surgery, “What’s for dinner?”

5.  Whenever the 49er’s (or whoever) have a game, we will be using the TV. Yes, that includes the remote. We will not be cooking, answering the phone – anything.  PLAN AHEAD.  The team schedule is posted on the fridge.

6.  We cannot read minds.  But, we are pretty sure we know what you’re thinking.

7.  If you are refusing to talk (or otherwise communicate) with us, we will imagine, construe – basically make up, what’s wrong and why you are not speaking to us.  We are aware of #6, but that does not keep us from inventing ridiculous scenarios in our head. These scenarios always turn out badly for you.

8.  When we tell you that your habit of checking out “babes”, or flirting with them, doesn’t bother us – WE ARE LYING.

9.  We know we are eating way too much pizza and Chinese food, but it’s been a long day, we don’t want to cook, and no one else is offering to.

10. If you think our menstrual cycle is horrifying – just wait until menopause. WE don’t even know what the Hell is going on. What we do know is we have Zero Tolerance for annoying.  And everything annoys us.

God be with you.   ♥

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Photo credit to Letty, proprietor of The August Tea Room, Livermore, CA.
Ladies having tea: Myself, My Lovely Daughter and My Lovely Daughter From Another Mother.
[left to right]

 

The MAN Rules

~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

A dear sis-in-law of mine passed along some critical information that I found extremely helpful, so of course I have to share it with y’all…

A man
Anonymous Man

Rules that every man wants you (his woman) to remember:
[ All are numbered #1 on purpose]

1.  MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1.  LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE: SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST SAY IT!

1.  YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.  COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON’T ASK US.

1.  IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1.  YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1.  WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1.  CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE…

1.  ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1.  IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY ‘NOTHING,’ WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1.  IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR..

1.  WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE…REALLY.

1.  DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS SPORTS OR FIREARMS.

1.  YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

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This explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Maybe we need to come up with a list of our own rules, ladies. If you know of any – please send them to me!  I will be happy to put together a list we can vote on.

And men, don’t be shy! You probably most of the women rules already.   😉

Hey Jodi, add this rule!

Go back

Your message has been sent

Romance For Dummies: V-day

~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

CupidConquers

In honor of  St. Cupid, I am “paying it forward” to educate men about romance and how it can make their lives (and ours) much happier. ” If your woman is happy…”  and so on.

The very first item we need to cover  is Valentine’s Day. It is this week!!

NEVER ignore this day, or pretend you forgot, to save you from making an effort to be romantic. Gentlemen, you  screw yourselves by doing this. (Pun intended)  This is the one day of the year, she needs to feel special.  Desired, adored and spoiled by you. If she tells you “Oh, Valentine’s Day is no biggie. I don’t care about flowers and chocolates…”.  Do not sigh relief and be glad to get out of it.

SHE  IS  LYING.

Don’t panic!  Remember, you once convinced her to go out with you.  Be that guy. Flirt with her.  I don’t care if you’ve been married for 25-years, she will flirt back.

The Valentine’s Day gift must be something wrapped, for her to open. Taking her to dinner is romantic, but NOT a gift. If you can’t afford to buy her nice jewelry – don’t worry.  My favorite gifts have been a picture of Micky & Minnie Mouse flirting (perfect for a new courtship), and the cutest cement  bunny that mysteriously appeared in my garden.  BTW,  I married that guy…

It doesn’t matter what*** the gift is.  It just needs to represent your feelings for her. Maybe it represents a private joke that only you two share.   The point is you are expressing your love for her. That’s all she wants. Really.

Now that isn’t so bad, is it?

♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥

*** Gifts to NEVER buy a woman (for any occasion):

  • Kitchen Utensils (i.e. spatulas, colanders)
  • Vacuum Cleaner
  • Apron
  • Voo-Doo Doll
  • A Cookbook (unless cooking together is your “thing”)
  • Electronic Gadget that you want
  • Gun(s)
  • Porn (Dude!  Totally not cool as a gift)

Ladies – please send me any suggestions or ideas that need to be passed along to your man. Together we can make a difference  🙂

photo credit: Sebastià Giralt via photopin cc