Diary of a Nicotine Addict: The Party’s Over?

A Christmas tree inside a home.Yikes!  It’s the holiday season. Again. Already.

Most of us (addicts) associate holiday parties and family get-togethers with our addiction.

  • Using nicotine (or alcohol, Oxycontin, fill in your drug of choice), was a large part of you having fun or not.
  • Using “helped” you deal with holiday stress.
  • You “had” to use, to put up with your crazy and dysfunctional family.
  • Everyone else will be using their drug of choice and having a great time.
  • You can’t relax and be yourself without using.

I had all those reasons and more. Anything to defend my addiction. Because the terror of having to QUIT was unbearable. My life would not be worth living if I couldn’t smoke.

Are you nodding your head about now? Do you dread this time of year because of the cravings?

You can blame The Bitch (a.k.a. Addiction)  for causing your turmoil.  She wants you to start using again, and she will try to seduce you.  She will put ideas and excuses into your head.

You must fight with everything you’ve got. The Bitch will tell you “Having just one won’t hurt anybody.” OR “No one will know.”

Oh really?  Well, guess what?  The Bitch lies.  Having “just one” will hurt your recovery. And everyone will know, even if you sneak it, because you will reek. I know that’s harsh, but reality often is.  I promise you – if you do have “just one”, The Bitch wins.  Every damn time.

What can we do to get rid of our addiction?  Unfortunately nothing. However, we can learn to ignore The Bitch’s siren song. We can practice the “tools” we learn in recovery, until they are engrained within us. Change behaviors that trigger cravings.

A counselor in my Quit Smoking program once told me that even if you spend the holidays munching on cookies, pies and other fattening crap,  it’s healthier than taking a drag of a cigarette.

Good to know.   😉

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Goodbye

Moving OnJune 25th, 2011

Dear Diary,

It’s been over a month now and I am sick of quitting smoking. I am also getting sick of blogging about it, so I bet you are sick of reading it.  You may have a longer attention span than I do (most likely), so you may not be bored out of your mind -yet.

Enough is enough! I want to move on. 

Before I do that, I want to thank y’all for your loving support of my journey and your encouraging comments. Believe me when I say that you helped  me get this far. A month is huge  in an addicts time zone  🙂

Thank You

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Week 5 Begins

June 17th, 2011

Dear Diary,

This could be the toughest one yet. My hubby will be out-of-town all weekend and I will be left home alone. Unsupervised.

Well,  I won’t be totally alone. The Bitch (a.k.a. my addiction), will be an uninvited house guest. She will be hovering close to me, whispering sweet lies that my addicted brain wants to believe. Things like “Oh come on,  you deserve a ‘free day’ “,  or  “No one will ever know if you have a couple smokes”.

When she gets desperate, the Bitch starts throwing old issues at me, excavated from my traumatic past. Nothing is too low of a blow for the Bitch.  ” It’s too late now, you’re old and the damage has been done “, ” If you can’t smoke anymore, which addiction will you turn to next?”, “Hasn’t your poor family been through enough?” The more desperate she gets, the nastier her ranting (inside my head) becomes.

What the Bitch doesn’t know is that I have a plan of attack. I’m going to strap on my iPod and rock & roll while spring cleaning. I call it spring cleaning because I’m going to pull everything out of the drawers, closets, and shelves. I will pack up what I want to move and get rid of what I don’t want. I will clean before I put the stuff back. This activity will be exhausting.

Next I will put on my pajamas, get my popcorn bowl, and start the Soap Marathon.

I have 8 days (16 episodes) of my soaps waiting for me on the DVR. Hubby hates listening to The Young and Restless & The Bold and Beautiful. I don’t know if he hates the shows, or my behavior.  I admit that I sometimes yell at the characters when they are being incredibly stupid.  There are many bitches (and bastards) to hate, root for, and scream at.  If you’re looking for entertainment that takes you completely away from reality – you should check them out.

During Soap Intermission I plan to call my best friend and see what she’s up to. I will try to talk her into visiting me out here in California where it’s tornado and flood free. That girl knows me more than anyone else. Except God, and He may consult her for all I know..

When all the soaps have been watched and I touch base with my BFF, I may do some gardening, organize photos, clippings, announcements, and the what-not I’ve been saving to put into a scrapbook someday.  Or I may take a nap. The choice is mine.

And NOT the Bitches!