Tag: Nicotine

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Phase 2

~ JodiLea

A Lot of Smoking Going OnSunday, May 15th

Dear Diary,

Phase 2 is not helping me so far…

In fact, the phase that’s supposed to help me prepare for my Quit Date, is causing  flashbacks of my attempts to quit smoking that failed. As I read through the warnings of symptoms and issues that might occur as I detox from cigarettes, I started to think that this whole thing is a bad idea.

I now am smoking more than I did last week.

I’m getting scared, and I want to quit. The program – not the cigarettes. My addiction (a.k.a., The Bitch), keeps telling me, loudly, that cigarettes are what keep me calm, and sane. I can’t enjoy my life without them. Yada, Yada, Yada…

I am halfway through this phase, when are they going to  bring out the heavy artillery??

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Phase 1

~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

Lit cigarette in ashtrayWednesday, May 12th

Dear Diary,

In Phase 1 of the Mayo Clinic program, they want you to start preparing yourself  for the Big Day. First, they had me write a list of all the reasons I want to quit smoking. That was easy. Next I got to make another list, this time of what things I plan to do instead of smoking. That list is much smaller- is that bad?

They also  suggest talking with my doctor about the various stop smoking aids available. I had heard about Chantix from my Southern CA doctor and I asked my Northern CA Doc to prescribe some for me. He wouldn’t do it. Too many dangerous side-effects of “mental episodes” and “suicidal urges”, he tells me.

I thought it was “mental episodes” and “suicidal urges” that I was trying to avoid by taking the damn pills. And what about the homicidal urges? Are these just going to go unchecked?  Quitting smoking can be hazardous to the health of those around you. At the very least, it isn’t pretty.

As I reach to click the Submit button for Phase 1 and start Phase 2, I suddenly pause.

Here they come. The addict’s thoughts. The ones that sabotage the thoughts I was having about stopping smoking. My addiction is a cunning and baffling Bitch. She messes with me by stirring up fear, dread, and self-doubt. She does everything she possibly can to keep me using nicotine.  She is  killing me.

I catch myself thinking I should wait and not pick a Quit Date yet. I don’t feel ready now. And work has been so intense and stressful… I realize it’s the Bitch talking, but she starts making sense if I don’t stop her.

Maybe Phase 2 can help me shut the Bitch up…

TTFN

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: The Beginning

~ JodiLea

Lit cigarette in ashtray

I became addicted to nicotine by having  just a few cigarettes.  Seriously!

I blame it on the fact that both my parents were chain smokers. You could say that I started smoking as a fetus, then spent my childhood surrounded by a dense cloud of second-hand smoke.  I was an addict waiting to happen. If I could go back to that day I bummed some cigarettes from my boyfriend, and not do it…

But I did do it. So here I am whining to y’all, because my husband and kids are sick of my love/hate relationship with nicotine, and I’m beginning the process of quitting.

If you are a normal person and have never been addicted to tobacco, or anything else for that matter, you may find my diary posts educational – who knows?  If you are also in my position (need to quit smoking), or you recently quit, please come along for the ride! I have the feeling it will be interesting either way…

Tuesday, May 10th
Dear Diary,
I am contemplating quitting cigarettes soon. I am even thinking of setting my “Quit Date” for May 20th. That would be giving myself a huge birthday present. Do I want to be miserable on my birthday? Of course not. Like I said – I am contemplating right now. the Mayo Clinic has a cool health website that has an on-line quit smoking program. Contemplating a Quit Date is the first step in the program.

All-righty then! I am done with my first assignment.  Cool.