Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Why We Can’t Quit

Author’s note: I’m usually trying to be humorous, or sarcastic, but tonight I am trying to pass on information that I discovered during my journey with nicotine addiction. I am still learning!


I can go weeks without ever thinking about cigarettes. Then plans get messed up,  a medical emergency happens, or I can’t find something important and dammit, I want to smoke. Like that is going to help my plans, my health, or my brain. After nearly two years of being smoke free you would expect me to no longer be addicted to nicotine.  You are wrong.

Sure, my body is rid of the nicotine and other chemicals from inhaling cigarette smoke. Unfortunately, my brain won’t let go completely. Nicotine in my blood-stream would reach my brain and “light up” sensors that made me feel good. My brain remembers this (or the sensors do). I’m not even thinking about smoking, but my brain has those sensory memories stored somewhere. Waiting.

When we are stressed, our mind works overtime to find a way to get us back to a non-stressed state. Why doesn’t my mind find a different solution? Like a cup of tea or a nice long bath? Probably because I never used those things to calm down. I would always light up a cigarette.  I thought that inhaling the nicotine calmed me down, when in reality, nicotine is a stimulant that increases your heart rate and blood pressure. I only felt calmer because I satisfied my craving for nicotine.

That’s how they get you. The Tobacco industry. Their products supply you with nicotine, your brain starts to need the nicotine and you end up smoking to satisfy those greedy neurotransmitters begging for another nicotine fix. If that isn’t bad enough, the cigarette you just had is setting you up for the next one. Because the sensation of withdrawal is uncomfortable, and the only way to stop it is another cigarette.

No wonder the industry can make billions of dollars – and we can’t stop smoking.

Non-addicts believe that if you just used some will-power, you could quit. HA!  You can’t break addiction with will-power. Why? Because the brain, neurology and psychology are inter-twined around your addiction. The Bitch owns you. You need professional help, but you don’t want to ask for any, because the thought of you never smoking again terrifies you.

I heard that heroin addicts have less trouble getting the monkey off their back, than smokers. Don’t believe that? I didn’t either – until I asked a recovering heroin addict. She opened her purse and showed me her cigarettes. So, I guess that meant yes.


Top 10 Goals (of a Mad Woman)


Last night I said I did not make New Year’s Resolutions. I do, however, write down goals for the year and try to meet them. There is a difference between the two.

  1. Stop procrastinating the things I want to do, to get chores done. I will try to procrastinate doing chores (even though messiness drives me nuts) – so I can write, read, sew, knit, crochet when I want to. Guilt free.
  2. Participate in Postaday2013 – you know there will be one. And I love entertaining my victims readers  ♥
  3. Select a new and more professional theme for my blog. Or a more silly one. It depends on how goofy I get before midnight  😉
  4. In the spring, I will bury the ashes of my beloved Mother, and dog Molly. No, not mixed together!  But I thought about it.
  5. Follow my Doctor’s “suggestion” to: “Find a good therapist”.  My Doctor just met me and already he has figured out I’m “not right”.  [I figure he is an exceptional diagnostician, but way, WAY nicer than Gregory House.  Like who isn’t?]
  6. Keep reminding myself of #1. Especially the “guilt free” part.
  7. Start meditating again. I am wound tighter than a little travel alarm clock that jitter-bugs across the end table and takes a nose-dive to the floor because it can’t stop going until it’s finished.
  8. Try Yoga for exercise since I can’t walk on water – even when it’s frozen.
  9. Keep asking hubby to vacuum for me because when a man picks out a vacuum cleaner, it serves him right.
  10. I want to complete my last will and testament. People in my family don’t live very long, ya know.




photo credit (HNY): ღßẲŁĘĘღ»سبــحأن الله« via photopin cc
photo credit (Goals): duncan via photopin cc