Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Why We Can’t Quit

Author’s note: I’m usually trying to be humorous, or sarcastic, but tonight I am trying to pass on information that I discovered during my journey with nicotine addiction. I am still learning!

SmokingOneFullWithSurgeonGeneral

I can go weeks without ever thinking about cigarettes. Then plans get messed up,  a medical emergency happens, or I can’t find something important and dammit, I want to smoke. Like that is going to help my plans, my health, or my brain. After nearly two years of being smoke free you would expect me to no longer be addicted to nicotine.  You are wrong.

Sure, my body is rid of the nicotine and other chemicals from inhaling cigarette smoke. Unfortunately, my brain won’t let go completely. Nicotine in my blood-stream would reach my brain and “light up” sensors that made me feel good. My brain remembers this (or the sensors do). I’m not even thinking about smoking, but my brain has those sensory memories stored somewhere. Waiting.

When we are stressed, our mind works overtime to find a way to get us back to a non-stressed state. Why doesn’t my mind find a different solution? Like a cup of tea or a nice long bath? Probably because I never used those things to calm down. I would always light up a cigarette.  I thought that inhaling the nicotine calmed me down, when in reality, nicotine is a stimulant that increases your heart rate and blood pressure. I only felt calmer because I satisfied my craving for nicotine.

That’s how they get you. The Tobacco industry. Their products supply you with nicotine, your brain starts to need the nicotine and you end up smoking to satisfy those greedy neurotransmitters begging for another nicotine fix. If that isn’t bad enough, the cigarette you just had is setting you up for the next one. Because the sensation of withdrawal is uncomfortable, and the only way to stop it is another cigarette.

No wonder the industry can make billions of dollars – and we can’t stop smoking.

Non-addicts believe that if you just used some will-power, you could quit. HA!  You can’t break addiction with will-power. Why? Because the brain, neurology and psychology are inter-twined around your addiction. The Bitch owns you. You need professional help, but you don’t want to ask for any, because the thought of you never smoking again terrifies you.

I heard that heroin addicts have less trouble getting the monkey off their back, than smokers. Don’t believe that? I didn’t either – until I asked a recovering heroin addict. She opened her purse and showed me her cigarettes. So, I guess that meant yes.

Scary.

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: The Party’s Over?

A Christmas tree inside a home.Yikes!  It’s the holiday season. Again. Already.

Most of us (addicts) associate holiday parties and family get-togethers with our addiction.

  • Using nicotine (or alcohol, Oxycontin, fill in your drug of choice), was a large part of you having fun or not.
  • Using “helped” you deal with holiday stress.
  • You “had” to use, to put up with your crazy and dysfunctional family.
  • Everyone else will be using their drug of choice and having a great time.
  • You can’t relax and be yourself without using.

I had all those reasons and more. Anything to defend my addiction. Because the terror of having to QUIT was unbearable. My life would not be worth living if I couldn’t smoke.

Are you nodding your head about now? Do you dread this time of year because of the cravings?

You can blame The Bitch (a.k.a. Addiction)  for causing your turmoil.  She wants you to start using again, and she will try to seduce you.  She will put ideas and excuses into your head.

You must fight with everything you’ve got. The Bitch will tell you “Having just one won’t hurt anybody.” OR “No one will know.”

Oh really?  Well, guess what?  The Bitch lies.  Having “just one” will hurt your recovery. And everyone will know, even if you sneak it, because you will reek. I know that’s harsh, but reality often is.  I promise you – if you do have “just one”, The Bitch wins.  Every damn time.

What can we do to get rid of our addiction?  Unfortunately nothing. However, we can learn to ignore The Bitch’s siren song. We can practice the “tools” we learn in recovery, until they are engrained within us. Change behaviors that trigger cravings.

A counselor in my Quit Smoking program once told me that even if you spend the holidays munching on cookies, pies and other fattening crap,  it’s healthier than taking a drag of a cigarette.

Good to know.   😉

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Goodbye

Moving OnJune 25th, 2011

Dear Diary,

It’s been over a month now and I am sick of quitting smoking. I am also getting sick of blogging about it, so I bet you are sick of reading it.  You may have a longer attention span than I do (most likely), so you may not be bored out of your mind -yet.

Enough is enough! I want to move on. 

Before I do that, I want to thank y’all for your loving support of my journey and your encouraging comments. Believe me when I say that you helped  me get this far. A month is huge  in an addicts time zone  🙂

Thank You