Things I Learned in College

But Not in the Classroom…

I learned a lot of stuff I didn’t really need to learn. If for some reason I actually need to know some of that stuff, it’s too late. I’m sure it is forgotten by now. This doesn’t bother me, because I don’t plan to return to college and be forced to remember. I took classes to get my degree, and I did.

It’s the obscure, not mentioned in class, or by professors, knowledge acquired by life’s circumstances & choices that I feel the need to pass along to my young adult readers. So they won’t be as naive and clueless as I was, upon entering college.

Towers-North Dorm

This 12-story building is actually four towers (North, South, East & West), they connect in the center. My BFF and I were room mates in North Tower, third floor, room 302. The streetlight closest to the building could be a flashlight shinning from our floor manager’s room. Oh, that reminds me …

  • If you must ‘moon’ out a dorm window – do it from someone else’s room.
  • Do not ever, no matter how much they whine and beg, do a guy’s laundry for him. Ever!
  • Think twice before sliding sideways wearing socks, on a waxed floor in order to pass by a friends room, while looking at them. It only worked for Tom Cruise, in Risky Business and that could have been faked. It did not end well for me.
  • Ideas you come up with as you drive back to the dorm from a beer bust, are usually not good to act on. Sometimes they could be considered crimes. But those can be hysterically funny. Pee your panties funny.
  • Coke-cola, or hot cocoa, will remove old bleach stains from ugly green floor tiles.
  • Barfing into a planter, outside of a Burger King, is humbling.
  • Do not accept a ride home from a guy you met at a Hoe Down [a.k.a go home with the person you came with]
  • Don’t date someone that treats you like dirt. No matter how cute they are
  • Vinyl record albums will not break when thrown from the 12th floor in anger
  • Good table manners you learned at home are not appreciated by your friends who want to “get to the party already!”
  • Don’t lean in when you are asked to smell someones ice cream. It’s a trap.
  • Small town drive-in movies do not show wholesome entertainment.
  • Frat guys will promise you anything to get you in their room. Then they pout when you really wanted to watch “The Grinch who stole Christmas” on their TV.
  • Chinese Fire Drills should make a comeback. We all can use more exercise.
  • Oh, and the most astounding thing of all? I had a 4.0 that year and the internet had not been invented!



Memories of Being Snowed In

.Towers North Dorm – Before Snow

Towers-North Dorm

Since I live in the SF Bay Area I don’t get snowed in. We don’t even get snowed on. That doesn’t mean I have never been snowed in. I went to College in Missouri, Southeast Missouri State University to be exact. We were snowed in for a whole week once. The town of Cape Girardeau only owned one snow plow so it was busy with the public streets. The college streets and parking lots were no priority at all. It took days for my roommate to even find her car, not that it mattered. We could not dig it out for another 3 days anyway.

So what did we do? We could not go home for the weekend like usual. Could not get across the Illinois border to buy liquor (we were freshmen and only 18). The upper-classmenwomen on our floor that were over 21 could purchase liquor from the grocery store down the street. For a price they would smuggle said purchases into the dorm (big No-No) and supply us lowly freshwomen with our booze of choice.

When I think back on it now, that was so dumb! Boys were not allowed in our dorms, so we sat around drinking and getting melancholy and horny. Some gals were lucky enough to have a TV in their room and we would pop popcorn and gather around to watch girl stuff. In our pj’s and curlers.

I feel sorry for the modern freshwomen – the dorms are co-ed and you live in a “suite” with 3 other roommates. No running about in curlers down the hall to grab some popcorn. Well, you could I suppose if there were no boys you wanted to impress.  Anyway, I digress..

We were a captive student body. We still had to climb “cardiac hill” to get to most of our classes in the ice and snow. The ice was so bad one day that a guy behind me had to literally shove my ass up the hill. I was not strong enough to pull myself up using the railing.

There was a great tradition at the college we had heard about, but until the big snow we could not experience it. One of the coldest, high windchill factor days the college called a “snow day”. Did students stay indoors where it was safe and study? Hell no. We sledded down cardiac hill on cafeteria trays. Despite all the big signs posted in the cafeteria – “DO NOT REMOVE TRAYS FROM THE CAFETERIA”.

I wish I could remember how we managed to sneak the trays out. I DO remember the sledding. It was so fun until you hit a rock. Flimsy plastic trays do not provide any cushion. You feel every rock, stick, whatever you sled over. But we were young and silly. We all compared our bruised butts in the shower room waiting for a shower stall to free up. We were chilled to the bone, sore, and hungry.

It was one of the happiest days of my life. Go figure.