Things I Learned in College

But Not in the Classroom…

I learned a lot of stuff I didn’t really need to learn. If for some reason I actually need to know some of that stuff, it’s too late. I’m sure it is forgotten by now. This doesn’t bother me, because I don’t plan to return to college and be forced to remember. I took classes to get my degree, and I did.

It’s the obscure, not mentioned in class, or by professors, knowledge acquired by life’s circumstances & choices that I feel the need to pass along to my young adult readers. So they won’t be as naive and clueless as I was, upon entering college.

Towers-North Dorm

This 12-story building is actually four towers (North, South, East & West), they connect in the center. My BFF and I were room mates in North Tower, third floor, room 302. The streetlight closest to the building could be a flashlight shinning from our floor manager’s room. Oh, that reminds me …

  • If you must ‘moon’ out a dorm window – do it from someone else’s room.
  • Do not ever, no matter how much they whine and beg, do a guy’s laundry for him. Ever!
  • Think twice before sliding sideways wearing socks, on a waxed floor in order to pass by a friends room, while looking at them. It only worked for Tom Cruise, in Risky Business and that could have been faked. It did not end well for me.
  • Ideas you come up with as you drive back to the dorm from a beer bust, are usually not good to act on. Sometimes they could be considered crimes. But those can be hysterically funny. Pee your panties funny.
  • Coke-cola, or hot cocoa, will remove old bleach stains from ugly green floor tiles.
  • Barfing into a planter, outside of a Burger King, is humbling.
  • Do not accept a ride home from a guy you met at a Hoe Down [a.k.a go home with the person you came with]
  • Don’t date someone that treats you like dirt. No matter how cute they are
  • Vinyl record albums will not break when thrown from the 12th floor in anger
  • Good table manners you learned at home are not appreciated by your friends who want to “get to the party already!”
  • Don’t lean in when you are asked to smell someones ice cream. It’s a trap.
  • Small town drive-in movies do not show wholesome entertainment.
  • Frat guys will promise you anything to get you in their room. Then they pout when you really wanted to watch “The Grinch who stole Christmas” on their TV.
  • Chinese Fire Drills should make a comeback. We all can use more exercise.
  • Oh, and the most astounding thing of all? I had a 4.0 that year and the internet had not been invented!