Bittersweet Agony

Two female Bernese Mountain Dogs were bred in Grass Valley at bernersSwiss Star Farms. I know this because I call the breeder, Bobbie Hefner, at least once a month:

“Hello?” Bobbie answers.

“Is anybody pregnant yet?”  I am so desperate now, that I have dropped all small talk. I know it’s rude, but I just can’t stand this unknowingness! **

If She Knows, She Isn’t Saying

“Both girls have been bred, but it’s too soon to know if they are pregnant, or not.” she tells me.

NOT!? That possibility hadn’t occurred to me. I shoved it out of my mind to consider (and worry about) later.

“Oh…” I no longer mask my disappointment.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I know anything,” she tries to console me, but it doesn’t help. My mental state is swiftly devolving around this issue, and I feel 3-years old.  I have to consciously force myself to not stomp my foot and scream, “Where is my puppy!?”

When I get off the phone, I pout. I waited over 2-years for a puppy because we were packing, selling our old house & moving into our new house. Then I had to wait until we went on an Alaskan Cruise. Hubby has no more excuses now, and it has been over 4-years since I have had a dog. FOUR YEARS!  Patience is no longer a virtue – it’s GONE.

Then, I remember that I am home alone. Hubby is out doing his thing.  By the time he gets home, I am still dog-less, and my foot hurts.

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** unknowingness [un . NO . ing . ness], adverb. “The agonizing period while you are waiting to know something, and you have no control over finding the answer.
– From the Dictionary of Words That Should Exist