I am Not the Droid You Are Looking For…

I have been hunted down by every scammer, robot caller, and sleazy spammer. My mailbox is stuffed with letters to me from every non-profit organization I have ever heard of. And some new ones. Did I win the lotto? Why am I suddenly in demand, almost famous?

My cell phone rings and beeps all day long. Rarely is anyone calling or texting me. My granddaughter is home and back in school, so these interuptions are not for her either.

I am pestered mostly by ‘Potential Spam’ and “Unknown Caller.” These calls are often coming in from other states. What gets me angry are the texts I get from “companies” that are fake, pretending to be my bank, or telling me it’s time to renew my vehicle warranty. Sometimes the FBI calls me to tell me they have a warrant for my arrest. The Social Security Administration calls or texts to alert me about fraudulent use of my SS#.

PLEASE! Leave me be! Even if you press “2” to be taken off the list, you are on a million lists. If someone removes you from their list, how would you know?

I did not default on my student loans, or give out my SS#. I am happy with the warranty I have on my car, I do not have accounts at Bank of America, and if the FBI thinks they are going to arrest me, they better send David Rossi and Dr. Spencer Reed to do it.

My email account supposedly has a spam filter. This filter leaks like a sieve and I scroll through WAY more spam than email actually meant for me. I hate it when I get ads for Viagra and penis enlargers. Then there’s the offers for mail-order Brides. My name is Jodi, so a lot of people think I’m a guy. Here is a tip: Boys are spelled Jody. Jodi’s and Jodie’s are girls. Hubby gets a ton of sexts from girls that want to do stuff to him. He complains about these, but I think he secretly likes them. Sometimes, he gets a nudie photo. Not that he tells me this, but I can tell the way he says, “whoooo!” under his breath.

I am fed up with being sexually abused and harrassed constantly! There must be something we can do to stop the madness. Wait a minute! PG&E has the power to stop it all. Pun intended. No power, no internet. No internet, no email. No power, no phone line. This is ironic, but one major annoyance stops the others.

I’m going to have to ponder on my attitude about power outages.