Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 6

May 26, 2011December 3, 2012 ~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

May 26th, 2011

Dear Diary,

I’m doing better in the morning now. But after lunch I really want to smoke. In between tasks I want to light up and “reward” my self for a job well done.

I need to learn to reward myself with something good for me. Instead I want something really good, but not for me, ya know? Like sugary desserts, highly caffeinated beverages, and very expensive beauty treatments.

As a hyperactive diabetic with no money, those treats are not for me. Just when a girl could start feeling sorry for herself, Whitman came out with a sugar-free Sampler. I got a box for my birthday and it even has the map inside the lid so you know what you’re gonna get (unlike Forest Gump’s chocolates). And, if you are wondering – they taste wonderful!

There happens to be a disturbing side-effect with sugar-free chocolates & candies, however. If you eat too many you can end up, well…, in trouble. Trouble of the ‘RUN FOREST RUN’ kind.

At least this takes your mind off smoking…

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 5

May 24, 2011December 3, 2012 ~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

Drug Bottles 🙂 I have my medication once again, so the world is a safer place.

My hubby is making me his yummy stove-top popcorn so I can munch tonight and take some in my lunch tomorrow. It’s little things like this to look forward to that keep me going. A good movie on my DVR. Winning tickets to play on a grocery store game. Finding my favorite sugar-free chocolates at the store. A good book to read when I have some time to actually read.

I am so exhausted from battling The Bitch all day that I’m lucky to read 2 pages before passing out. Hubby puts in my bookmark and turns off the reading lamp every night.

Sweet Dreams to y’all……

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 4

May 23, 2011December 3, 2012 ~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

I think I gained 10 pounds this weekend. I really wanted to sneak my birthday cake into my room and eat the thing by myself. There is only a large piece left and I want to hide it from my hubby before I go off to Curves. Yes – I know it’s ridiculous, and I don’t care.

The withdrawal symptoms have increased. What’s up with that? I am wearing the patch, so my body is getting Nicotine, from a new delivery system. The Bitch (my addiction, if you are joining this diary recently), demands the drug be administered in heavy doses that immediately reach the bloodstream. She is not liking this slow steady method and being The Bitch she is, my day has been shitty.

I did manage to get a couple of things accomplished at work today. Then I spent the last 3 hours cleaning my office. My bookshelves have been a disaster and I was not going to tolerate it anymore. I know that tomorrow I will not remember why I put this here and the other over there. The important thing is I have gotten rid of some irrelevant papers and the dust bunnies.

Drug Bottles Tomorrow will be interesting. I have only 1/2 dose left of Welbutrin (a drug prescribed for helping your mood while you fight your addictions, among other things). My doctor was on vacation and it did not get refilled today. I forgot to order the refill on time. That is so unlike me, since I’m pretty anal about my refills. I bet The Bitch had something to do with this.

I am tired, grumpy, and have had a headache all day. And that last piece of birthday cake? I told him I wanted it for myself, but hubby had the audacity to eat half of it right after dinner. I knew I should have hidden it from the bum….