Tag: postaday

Bears Don’t Meditate In The Woods…

~ JodiLea

Firearms

I came across this poster today and it made me giggle. Not because it’s all that funny, but it was a reminder of my own encounter with a bear, armed only with my iPhone. The iPhone would have been more useful than a camera because I could dial 9-1-1. If I was at the top of the tree I could maybe get a bar or two. I am such an optimist! Or is it denial? I get those mixed up all the time.

The odds of any help getting there in time to rescue me are astronomical. Winning Lotto probably has better odds. Bears climb trees faster than grandmothers with acrophobia and a bad back.

Thankfully, my bear left the scene and I didn’t have to climb any trees that day. The next day, while enjoying my morning coffee, I see the bear again!  He is sitting by the same tree  No Way! I said out-loud to myself.   All Right – now this is just too much for even me to believe. Especially when he was back again the third day…

There must be some shadow/light combination that makes those trees look like a bear during breakfast. Sure enough, when I looked out the window an hour after breakfast, he wasn’t to be seen. I felt embarrassed, yet relieved, to discover my meditating bear was not real.  Now, if I really do see a bear, who will take me serious enough to check it out?  Not hubby or hubby’s friend.

Hubby has a gun safe in his shop. There are modern rifles, WWII era rifles, and various pistols locked in it. If I’m going to hike the trail into the forest by myself (cause hubby is too busy to go) I want to be armed with more than just my iPhone. More than imaginary Bear Repellent, even.

Well, dear readers, don’t y’all worry. Skittish grandmothers won’t be hiking through the Stanislaus National Forest with firearms. Dammit!

Hubby refuses to give me the combination.

10 Things I’ve Learned Since Moving To The Mountains

~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment
  1. Food takes longer to cook at high elevations.
  2. Propane stoves cook hotter than gas stoves.
  3. And no, this does not even things out.
  4. You can’t cook pinto beans in a crock pot here – they will not soften, no matter how many days you keep them in there.
  5. Contrary to popular belief  (OK –mine), bears do not meditate in the woods.
  6. Just because you live surrounded by trees and forest land doesn’t mean you’ve seen the last of 100+ degree temperatures OR humidity.
  7. There are no street lights on mountain roads.
  8. There are trillions of night insects – and they are freakishly noisy.
  9. The Sierra Mountain dirt has ore in it, and it’s penetrating rust color does not wash out all the way.
  10. If you want the shelves stocked and your senior discount at the one and only market in town, you have to shop on Wednesdays.

Never Let A Man Pick Out Your Vacuum Cleaner

~ JodiLea ~ 4 Comments

My hubby and his buddy were living and working on our new home for most of 2011 & 2012. I was not able join them, so they were there without any female supervision. This was a HUGE mistake, in ways I am still discovering.

I was relieved when hubby offhandedly mentioned they vacuumed once in awhile. I assumed that they were using the buddies vacuum, because he was storing most of his stuff in our basement after he moved from his apartment. I knew better than to assume anything when it came to my hubby or his friend, but alas, my guard was down.

So…  we move in and when one of the rooms (finally) got clear of boxes, I wanted to vacuum up the dirt and dust-bunnies that somehow hopped on a box and moved with us from our old house.  Hubby told me it was in the laundry room closet.

OMG!!

I did not want to believe this.  There stood the most big-assed, yellowest, ugliest, monstrosity of a vacuum that I had ever seen.  It obviously is a vacuum designed for men. It’s casing made me think of Storm Troopers.  I had to read the manual in order to figure out how to set it  to vacuum carpet.  "The Boss"

And get this – the yellow monster is so heavy (50+ pounds) that I can barely move it, so guiding it is a grueling chore . Only a man would buy a vacuum that looked macho and had a “Turbo” attachment. Am I right?

The thing’s own motor could not move the head enough to make it easier for me to push. I tried every carpet setting available. Some were better than others, but all of them strained my arm. It did not matter if I was pushing or pulling.

I would have used both arms to vacuum if I didn’t have to hold and maneuver the electrical cord to keep it from getting run over and eaten by Big Yellow. Yes, I  named it – temporarily. I plan on coming up with a much snottier one later.

To vacuum the corners, I configured it to use the hose attachment. Using the hose was even worse.  It wasn’t the hoses fault. It was the lifting and pulling of the monster around to get the short-assed hose where I needed it to go. My arm (wrist to shoulder) was not happy with me, and my herniated disc has not calmed down since.

Eureka!® must have had some reason to produce this monstrosity.  Nice try.  Men will certainly buy this model because it out-macho’s all the other vacuums.  Then the woman has to use the damn thing. That is just SO wrong!

I’m going to write those people a letter!