Bears Don’t Meditate In The Woods…


I came across this poster today and it made me giggle. Not because it’s all that funny, but it was a reminder of my own encounter with a bear, armed only with my iPhone. The iPhone would have been more useful than a camera because I could dial 9-1-1. If I was at the top of the tree I could maybe get a bar or two. I am such an optimist! Or is it denial? I get those mixed up all the time.

The odds of any help getting there in time to rescue me are astronomical. Winning Lotto probably has better odds. Bears climb trees faster than grandmothers with acrophobia and a bad back.

Thankfully, my bear left the scene and I didn’t have to climb any trees that day. The next day, while enjoying my morning coffee, I see the bear again!  He is sitting by the same tree  No Way! I said out-loud to myself.   All Right – now this is just too much for even me to believe. Especially when he was back again the third day…

There must be some shadow/light combination that makes those trees look like a bear during breakfast. Sure enough, when I looked out the window an hour after breakfast, he wasn’t to be seen. I felt embarrassed, yet relieved, to discover my meditating bear was not real.  Now, if I really do see a bear, who will take me serious enough to check it out?  Not hubby or hubby’s friend.

Hubby has a gun safe in his shop. There are modern rifles, WWII era rifles, and various pistols locked in it. If I’m going to hike the trail into the forest by myself (cause hubby is too busy to go) I want to be armed with more than just my iPhone. More than imaginary Bear Repellent, even.

Well, dear readers, don’t y’all worry. Skittish grandmothers won’t be hiking through the Stanislaus National Forest with firearms. Dammit!

Hubby refuses to give me the combination.