Tag: Tobacco

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 6

~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

May 26th, 2011

Dear Diary,

I’m doing better in the morning now. But after lunch I really want to smoke. In between tasks I want to light up and “reward” my self for a job well done.

I need to learn to reward myself with something good for me. Instead I want something really good, but not for me, ya know? Like sugary desserts, highly caffeinated beverages, and very expensive beauty treatments.

ChocolatesAs a hyperactive diabetic with no money, those treats are not for me. Just when a girl could start feeling sorry for herself, Whitman came out with a sugar-free Sampler. I got a box for my birthday and it even has the map inside the lid so you know what you’re gonna get (unlike Forest Gump’s chocolates).   And, if you are wondering – they taste wonderful!

There happens to be a disturbing side-effect with sugar-free chocolates & candies, however. If you eat too many you can end up, well…, in trouble. Trouble of the ‘RUN FOREST RUN’ kind.

At least this takes your mind off smoking…

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 5

~ JodiLea ~ 1 Comment

Drug Bottles 🙂  I have my medication once again, so the world is a safer place.

My hubby is making me his yummy stove-top popcorn so I can munch tonight and take some in my lunch tomorrow. It’s little things like this to look forward to that keep me going. A good movie on my DVR. Winning tickets to play on a grocery store game. Finding my favorite sugar-free chocolates at the store. A good book to read when I have some time to actually read.

I am so exhausted from battling The Bitch all day that I’m lucky to read 2 pages before passing out. Hubby puts in my bookmark and turns off the reading lamp every night.

Sweet Dreams to y’all……

Diary of a Nicotine Addict: Day 3

~ JodiLea
Heavy Arillery
This is War!!!

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I posted such a horrid photo on my blog yesterday. Sorry!

As I sit here, sipping on a Sugar-Free Rock Star because morning coffee really gets me jonesing for a cigarette, The Bitch is setting me up. What pisses me off the most is I know she is trying to sabotage me and yet I can’t stop her.

Welcome to addiction, where knowledge is not much power.

This morning her tactic is self-pity and resentment. (The Bitch is bringing out the heavy artillery already and I don’t know whether to be proud of this or terrified.)  She attacks in the mornings because that is when I have the most awareness and energy. One or two little thoughts planted into my head can fester into a full-blown pity-party by noon.

This mornings thought: You would think your husband would mention how nice you smell.

That fleeting thought brings back to me all the times he told me I smelled like an ashtray. I start to feel resentful, then I pity poor little me, who smells NOT like an ashtray and nobody cares.

My next reaction is to retaliate. Should I pile on my favorite perfume until he notices?  The man is not even out of bed yet and already in trouble.

He will probably get used to this as time goes on…