Tag: Humor

WHO Called!?

~ JodiLea ~ 6 Comments

JesusCallingSo yesterday, while I was gabbing and sewing with two of my friends, my phone rang. I figured it was a solicitor or a recording of one, so I did not bother to put my sewing down and answer it. I have caller ID, and an answering machine that would announce who was calling.

I was thankful I had 2 witnesses who also heard the machine’s robot voice announce,  “Phone call from Jesus Christ”  I was stunned and stood there stupid until caller ID repeated the message.

I had to answer the phone! – How often does Jesus Christ call a person?  I grabbed the receiver – the phone display also said “Jesus Christ”. When I pushed the ‘talk’ button my witnesses said “put it on speaker!”

Now the three of us were bent over the counter top, earnestly listening as I said “Hello?”

No response. I said it again, louder this time, adding “Jesus are you there?”  Silence.  No dial-tone, static or background voices like you get when a solicitor calls. No muffled breathless giggles from kids making prank phone calls.  Just a peaceful and eerie quiet.

As fate would have it, I had just finished listening to an audiobook titled; “Phone Calls From Heaven”  Written and narrated by Mitch Albom.  In the book, certain townspeople were getting phone calls from deceased loved ones. Instead of Mom, Dad or Sis – I get a phone call from Jesus Christ Himself!   Am I in trouble?

The call came from the 620 area code, which I looked up in a reverse phone directory on-line. The call did not originate in Heaven, but rather Hutchinson, Kansas.  The fact that it came from a wireless phone was the only info I could get. For free, I mean. I was too chicken to call the number last night, but now I realize that whoever had called, already has my number.

It’s too late tonight to call – not Heaven, but Kansas. Maybe I will be braver tomorrow.  I sure hope that Heaven is not IN Kansas, but somewhere like Hawaii or the Caribbean.  😉

Maybe the whole thing is an innocent mistake.  A guy in Kansas tries to call a buddy in Modesto , but punches in the wrong digits. His name just happens to be Jesus (pronounced Hey-soos) and his last name is Christ. If he has a listed number, the phone book would say:
Christ,  Jesus

That would be spooky.

Or… Maybe it’s some techno geek that can ‘ hack’ into Caller ID and have the display say whatever he wants it to. Then he calls someone to scare the be-Jesus (no pun intended) out of them. If this kind of Caller ID fraud catches on, it’s possible that we could receive calls  from God, the Tooth-Fairy, or the president of the United States. From the FBI, CIA, Iron Man. Maybe even Santa Claus.

Ho-Ho-Ho…

Anyone else getting calls from Jesus?  Captain America, or his friends?  Please comment and let me know that I’m not alone!

TTFN,
Jodi

 

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photo credit: was_bedeutet_jemanden via photopin cc

Well, Thank Goodness THAT is Over!

~ JodiLea

49er-logoI’m not sure WHAT happened, but I wanted to watch football this afternoon. Instead, there were more yellow flags on the field than players. Mistakes, turn-overs, missed field goals, and chaos were going on in the 49er’s Levi’s Stadium. I’m sorry to say that it was 49ers causing 95% percent of the mess. The ^&@**@! Bronco’s were too busy scoring points to bother with more than 5%.

Do the “new guys” need a lot more training? Probably. But this loss was not their fault. They played damn good football. The  ^&@**@!  Bronco’s played just a smidgen better, and maybe even a little dirtier.  Or was it that the 49er’s hearts were broken, in the first quarter? When in their first game played in their fabulous new stadium, those ^&@**@!  Bronco’s made the first score?   I believe that could have a huge impact on any teams moral.  And each following score only deepening the wound.

In pre-season coaches are supposed to give the new guys experience, work on lessening their mistakes. Shit happens and you get beaten down. You learn from that and charge right into the playoffs later that season…

You probably have guessed I am a ’49er Faithful’, so of course I support them. No matter what.

The last time I saw such a beating, was…  uh…

hmm..

OH YES!   The Super Bowl.   Remember those Sea-Hawks, Peyton?   I bet you do.  As we shall remember this day.

And to our competitors across the Bay in Oakland, you can stop laughing now. Congrats on your win on Thursday, BTW. At least all the crap was happening on our field, instead of in the stands at your home games.  [It simply had to be said]

And while I’m at it, I should tell you how I really feel about Cheese Heads, Terrible Towels, and  &$%*^*!  Denver.  But there are not enough ‘special characters’ in my font library.  I hide my feelings when around family members, many of whom are die-hard fans of other NFL teams.  But I can tell you, my dear readers, because my non-49er-fan relatives don’t even read my blog. That alone makes them suspect, if you know what I mean.

I ♥ My 49ers

TTFN,
Jodi

The Simple Solution to Our Drought

~ JodiLea ~ 2 Comments

Well, gang – I researched my our drought solution. It is surprisingly easy, too!  I was imagining some complicated intense ceremony, and some Tribes may indeed practice those, but this is what I found the most, during my quest.

RainGirl

How To Perform a Native American Rain Dance

Step 1:Wear turquoise and feathers, if you have any. Many Native American tribes associate turquoise with rain and feathers with the wind. Put on any turquoise-colored clothing that you may have and turquoise jewelry. If you have access to any bird or decorative feathers, place a couple in your hair or secure them to a hat and wear them during the rain dance.

Step 2: Find an outdoor space where you have plenty of room to move around. Choose a space that has sparse or no tree cover so that you have a clear view of the sky. The terrain of the space you choose should be relatively flat, which will make it easier to do the rain dance.

Step 3: Spin around in circles. Begin spinning clockwise at a slow and steady pace. Chant your own simple rain chant as you spin. Your chant can be something as simple as the word “rain” repeated over and over or an entire phrase, such as “Come down rain.” Raise your hands to the sky occasionally to urge the rain to fall. A steady drum rhythm would be ideal, but not required.

Step 4: Speed up your spinning and chanting. The longer you spin and chant, the faster you should spin and chant. [Author’s note: If  spinning concerns you, take Dramamine an hour before dancing.] Close your eyes as you dance and breathe in deeply between chants. When you want to end the dance, drop to your knees in silence. Stay on your knees until any dizziness you feel goes away and you can regain your balance.
♥

Even I, here in a mountainous forest, have an open flat surface in front of my house. It could contain 10 dancers, so I wouldn’t have to dance by myself.  Now I only need to  bribe  recruit more people!

Californians-> Please pass the word to your friends & neighbors. Start a rain-dancers group that meets during lunch-hour. Teach others, especially children who love to dance and chant naturally. Teachers could make this a physical education opportunity, now that schools are back in session. If you have a fabulous idea you would like to share PLEASE leave a comment below, we need to stick together  🙂

Dancing Tomato

It is time we turn off our phones and TV’s, and commune with nature!

♥  Dance Instructions provided by – http://www.ehow.com/  ♥