There’s No Place Like Home

Unlike Dorothy, I needed Delta Airlines to transport me back home.  I don’t have a pair of sparkly red shoes, my fault, for not taking my granddaughter’s advice while shopping.

“You gotta get the sparkly shoes too, grandma!” the 9-year old demanded.

“You gotta, gramma!” insisted the 3-year old, while pointing her index finger at me, and her other hand was placed firmly on her hip, which was exactly the way her older sister was standing. Do they practice this, or is it genetic? Their mother did that too, now that I think about it. Never mind – I just answered my question…

Oh dear. I got off on a tangent. [That happens a lot here at Not Pretending – BTW. Just so you know  😉 ]

I’m not sure who started this whole “travel for fun” thing. The explorers and pioneers probably did not have much fun. Unless it was a ‘rush’ to conquer unknown lands and bring back stuff made in China.

I complain about 4-hour flights in “economy class*”. I would not have survived month after month on board a sea-going vessel, or a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail. Not me.

Stories written by travelers make traveling sound exciting and romantic. Often movies portray travel in the same way. There are also some very creative travel blogs, with amazing photos and great tips.

I am not familiar with that kind of travel. The movie that portrays my experience traveling is “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, with a bit of “Vacation”  thrown in to perk things up.  If you’re thinking, ‘Oh, she’s exaggerating to be funny’, you would be wrong.

The purpose of going on vacation is to have a fun and relaxing time. But there is no relaxing when you are traveling. Maybe there is to the travelers in First Class, which is why they pay four times the airfare than I do.

Airports used to be exciting. Now they are annoying. Every 5-minutes the dude on the speakers warns you about carrying other people’s bags and that ‘smoking is prohibited’.

Like I don’t have enough trouble carrying my own bags? And why the Hell are you reminding smokers that they can’t smoke? Do they even have a clue how maddening that is – especially to former-smokers (a.k.a., nicotine addicts)? Stop announcing crap unless there’s an emergency!

And then, there are all those other people around. Observing and listening, while you wait in lines and gates. ‘People Watching’ is considered an acceptable activity these days. When I was growing up they called it ‘being nosy’.

And then, there’s the noise factor. The neighbors above and next door to your hotel room never sleep. You hear them stomping around, watching high-defvolume TV. They make sounds that defy your imagination. What can they be doing up there? Moving furniture? Maybe we don’t want to know.

The noises got so bizarre on our last trip that hubby and I would lie in bed giggling and make up stuff about what was going on. When we noticed the water stain on the ceiling above the jacuzzi, we thought maybe it was repairmen. But at two in the morning? It’s going to be one of many mysteries we encounter when we travel.

Things NEVER go as you plan them. And the unknown variables that happen can really mess with your trip. Like hurricanes and their residual storms. It was making me crazy to be in a tropical paradise, with a gorgeous beach and not be able to walk along the surf or lounge under an umbrella reading my book while a waiter fetches me another soda. And forget about booking a tour to visit ancient ruins. Another outside activity canceled due to high winds and heavy rain.

In many ways it really sucked. But we survived. And here we are, back at our favorite place to be – ♥ home ♥

* PC term for "cram as many seats as we can into the plane for the largest profit class"